9:48pm

Was just arguing with mom over a petty feud involving money. As far as I've known, I'm a money-minded individual who scorns with any transactions that go missing or lack thereof. In short, I search for the possible reasons and react accordingly to fairness. It wasn't a happy one.

Perhaps one could mock my unintelligence pertaining to accounting. But I reckon that'll follow succeedingly. I have totally neglected on the additional cost when doing foreign transactions, and assume the amount reflected on paper is/shall be the final amount I'm paying for. I was wrong. Upon checking on my bank statement, realized that they have withdrawn a whopping 3.5% in a single transaction.

Conscientiously, I wasn't well equipped with my emotions and had the urge to cry/kill. Somehow, my heart sank intensely and the instant reaction was to cancel all plans for Hong Kong this October. I told mom that she can and will proceed with the trip without me as I wouldn't want to bear the subsidiary costs such as personal expenses.

Fatuous you may call it, these redundant and unnecessary anger are uncalled for. Now that I have taken the time to recall and reflect upon my actions. I still would be reluctant to travel for the sake of scenery watching and visiting a brother I don't even communicate with anymore.

At times, I reasoned with myself as to the current downfall. I am 20 going on 21 this November. I have a full-time job which might be precarious if situations kept holding me back. I have little to no friends understanding the concept of depression & anxiety which they aren't to be blamed. I want to die but I have 2 pets relying heavily on half of my paycheck every month.

Though not struggling to get by with expenses. Rather, struggling to keep my mind sane for the rest of the days to come..

Well if that was the case, I damn well pray for a miracle.