It’s been 5 months since we broke up. I have been pretending like I am over her now. However, when some of my friends asked if I am over her, I couldn't say yes. I can't get over her. I realized that it was her and it will be always her. Right now, I can’t Love anyone else and perhaps, I can never love somebody more than the way I loved her. I badly want to say that I am over her but the truth is, I can’t. In anguish, I blame her for my condition, I abuse her, but no matter what, I care for her, my heart prays for her.

According to people, Moving on means not caring what’s happening in her life. But for me, moving on means accepting what has happened and what will not happen. If somebody says that he or she is over now after a breakup, then it means they were never in love. No one can get over someone who was loved once. You can just get used to the pain and emotion of missing somebody and make yourself comfortable in it. No matter what, the tiny spark of hope will always haunt you.

I know she won’t come back, and I can’t do anything. All I could do is to write about me and her, try to be happy, and not to blame myself or her for what has happened. I dream about her talking about me and coming back. Contrary to reality, I believe that she remembers me. I put myself in dark, I lie to myself that I was loved. 

I’ll continue holding on to what she said “If I am not happy how can I keep you happy”. I know that she had made her choice. Choice to keep herself happy by leaving me. Yet, I’ll smile for her, I will miss her, till my heart will be ready for someone else. I will not ask her to come back, as she will ditch me again. I do not want any further damage to my self-respect. I do not want to increase the count of my acceptance and her ditching. I see, she is very happy now and it somehow makes me realize that I should not be waiting, I should not be longing for her. On the other hand, her happiness indicates me that she never loved me or maybe she is very good in moving on!

I will keep missing her until I make it a habit, this is the way I can get over her.