I just talked to Richard.. now that we finally live in the same city we talk more often but we don't see eachother... why? Because he has a Girlfriend... pretty nice by the way... I have to say I missjudge her (really bad from my side.. bad prraka!!! Very bad!) and if there's something I can be completly sure on this earth is that, this guy loves me more than anyone on this planet. I think he didn't expect those feelings to come again..... We met three weeks ago... of course I was wearing nice clothes: not too provocative of course, I didn't want to scare the poor guy after 6 years without seeing eachother, right? And I must say, what I felt was undescriptable... I wasn't really expecting that.. it was like a tension.. I don't know exactly what.. I was so nervous.. I didn't know what to say, what to do... and I know he felt that also.. although he was looking like relaxed, it was too much: I know he's not that way. And then, suddenly, the girlfriend came into the kitchen!!!! A little cute skinny girl.... I was in shock! She was so adorable... she didn't look like that on Facebook, but of course.. pictures are pictures... as my brother says they steal your soul...uuuuuhhhh! She treats me so good that when my lust takes my mind with images of me and Richard I can only think about not hurting her! Very clever dear friend... introducing me to your innocent girlfriend that every day makes more clear that she doesn't really know about our past.
We spent this weekend all together because of his birthday.. thank God his best friend came too and we were at least 4... I don't like to be 3: or it is 2 or it's 4 but never 3! I have to admit it was a lovely weekend, it was very important for me to feel accepted in this new country.. I met a lot of people and I have a new girlfriend... wich is always great!
They picked me up at my house... I was so nervous! As every time I see this guy.... WHY?!?!?! What the hell happens in my brain when I think about him?
We were in the car and I could only spy him in the mirror... so as he did with me.... watch out my dear Richard: don't get blind of so much looking at me! Of course I was dazzling... perfect make up, hair, nails, clothes.... what it takes to call his attention. I'm kind of jelous of the girl.. but I'm just like that, and I saw him first!
I think they were the whole weekend like worried... all girls on this planet would take an eye on a new-old-friend of her boyfriend, right? and of course Richard doesn't want to be closer on temptation than he already is... so, to calm them I had an ace kept for sunday: "I'm dating this guy and I think we should meet the 4 of us.. what a coincidence.. he got the same name" and they showed delighted to invited us 2 to have dinner some time at their new house.. and bet I'll go!

But all this just makes me wonder: This is it? After all we've been through, we're going to end "justlikefriends" without trying anything? Aren't we just have the chance to have a real relationship in the same country and city? Is it really so?

Life is cruel!!!!

XOXO

Dirrty Prraka