One of the first things Spencer shared with me, way back when, was this humor piece on how to read a fashion Magazine. I found myself alternating between laughter and wondering if this amazing man could possibly be straight (and hoping he was). When I shared this piece with girlfriends, they all wanted Spencer’s email. Being the selfish type that I am, I refused.

As an editor, I truly appreciate a piece that is so well done, so snarky in its approach, that I have nothing to do but enjoy. Plus, I know all those technical terms for those annoying things (like “bind in” and “blow in” cards).

And so ends my introduction to this marvelous piece by Spencer.

Enjoy! ~ Serena

How To Read A Fashion Magazine

I subscribe to Lucky Magazine, and through a minor snafu on the part of an airline miles promotion I actually receive two copies of the magazine every month. This happily enables one copy to be sacrificed to the ravages of bathtub viewing, including the occasional dunk.

The other is subject to a reading procedure that I’ve refined over many years through many different fashion magazines. This approach stems from the fact that fashion magazines are, by definition, approximately 5% content and 95% advertisement. This is perfectly acceptable except for the varying paper weights used by advertisers to draw the viewer to their products.

The heavier weight pages resist flipping (technical term for holding the thumb on the edge of the magazine and kinking the page edge slightly while folding the spine in the opposite direction – quickly flipping through the pages seeking real content), and cause the magazine to fall open to those pages if you try to flip through, so here’s how to read the magazine…

First, turn the magazine upside down and shake out all the loose subscription cards. You don’t need these, they are a waste of trees, and better prices are inevitably available elsewhere. Discard. Better yet, send them in, all filled out for subscriptions in the editor’s name at the magazine’s work address. You can also save them for bookmarks. (Serena here…those oh-so annoying things are called blow ins.)

Second, start trying to flip through the magazine. The first stops will occur at the special little add-in books. These almost always have “special advertising section” printed on them. Rip them out, set them in a special “to be reviewed” pile to your immediate right. Sometimes these are nifty extra reads, like the Cosmo bedside astrologer – put these in your bedside drawer for those nights when you can’t sleep and need entertainment.

Third, continue trying to flip through the magazine. Every time it stops observe the heavy weight page it stopped on. Tear the page out, set it in the review pile to your immediate right. Continue this process until you can easily flip all the way through the magazine. Set the magazine aside. (Serena again…these nifty little things are called…ready for this? Bind ins…and we’ll not discuss the ensuing hilarity and double entendre of bind and blow, hmmmm?)

The review pile to your right now contains all the ads that were paid at top dollar by manufacturers that want you to see their product. The stupid people will all constantly be looking at these pages in the magazine as every time they try to open the magazine it will fall to one of these pages. Depending on your point of view, this either defines the style for the coming seasons, or will be what every other person is wearing and you want to find something more individual. Look at these pages so you know what they contain, then discard them. Cigarette ads should be rejected with prejudice; they are the enemy of any fashionable person.

Lucky has one neat feature, one of those heavy papers will contain a set of sticky pads that say “yes” or “maybe?” in various bright colors appropriate to the season. Use these, but send a letter to the editor requesting a “NO!” tag be added, so that husbands and wives may communicate more effectively from the comfort of their bathroom reading place.

Now you are ready to sit and read through the magazine. Enjoy! There’s still going to be a lot of ads, but now you can control where the pages land as you move through the magazine. I personally always start with the shoe section. As it happens, this month features slingback flats – where’s that “NO!” tag when you need it?