Inside my cage it’s dark. Cold metal fuses my bones to my skin. I am in a solid containment, devoid of the particles of life required to sustain me. This place I call home, is where I am spoonfed artificial sustenance, which upholds just enough of me to continue to existing here. I can only see in shadows, and hear the outside world through echos. They haunt the corridors of my lost mind. Tunneling through the confinement, I search for the way out.
It’s right in front of me, yet am only able to see this door when my longing meets defeat.
The wall falls away, for I stopped perceiving it's shape. Stopped for a moment acknowledging it’s weight. Belief is required for it to stand before me. My letting go is a wrecking ball.
I open the door, and muster the courage to be set free. To know the world beyond this illusioned captivity.
I step out, and I am weightless. Colored light spills through my now shapeless form. I see the sight of breaking day upon this place of enchantment. I am it.
I start to soar into the vast expansions of what this realm does hold.
Right through the Tear in the fabric of my previous imagining, I escape.
Then something halts my elated flight. I feel a pull stronger than bliss. It’s the chain of familiarity pulling me back.
The dawn of my awakening mind, falls into the eve of a surrender. The place I long to leave, is calling me back home. And as quick as I had birthed this transformation, I return back to what habit calls the truth. Domestication steals my wild. I am unable to know what lies at the center of my spirit.
I chase enlightenment like a cat does his tale. It’s a part of me, yet instead of realizing that, I run after it as though it is separate. It’s odd to be watching me, watch myself, without ever really seeing who I am. Glimpses, I get in dreams, beneath the surface. I keep them far enough away they aren't embraced.
When will I grasp this miracle with enough certainty that I can no longer build this illusion? It is reconstructed in every breathe, to uphold what I know is not real. But my knowing isn’t complete. It is like a pop left with the lid off. It has no life, no carbonation left to make it fizz. I drink it in, and spit it out. For I am missing an ingredient.
So I wait. I search. I writhe in impatience, for the formula to this potion to be completed.
Each day falls like a card being dealt to me. They keep coming in this game of life I am stuck being a player in. I hate gambling, I am not competitive. Get me out of this casino. Or at least give me the winning hand. Winners can leave the table, if their thirst for payment is quenched. Well I’m parched here, so even a few gulps will do. As long as it’s got the secret ingredient I won't ever return.
I will marvel at the sunshine, the ball of life suspended in the vastness of space. I will be absorbed by the moonlight, as it enchants the night. I’ll hear the whispers in the wind of stories travelling through time. Listen to the heartbeat of the earth, penetrating the cells of all beings. Dance to the rhythmic energy that travels between me and you. Breathe in the laughter of the trees, as they join heaven and earth. Feel the touch of warm flesh against my cheek, as it floods my being in a suspended state of bliss.
This is what I dream I know. This is the place I keep blinking my eyes to see.