Dear Gustavo,
Would you, please, be so kind as to read and assess my essay (CPE Writing task 1 format). I'd really appreciate any advice and suggestions.
Sincerely,
Natalia
WRITING PART1
Read the two texts below.
Write an essay summarising and evaluating the key points from both texts. Use your own words throughout as far as possible, and include your own ideas in your answer.
Write your answer in 240-280 words.
Unsustainable tourism
We are increasingly familiar with some of the worst effects of unthinking, unmanaged, unsustainable tourism: previously undeveloped coastal villages that have become sprawling, charmless towns, their seas poisoned by sewage, denuded of wildlife, their beaches stained with litter and tubes of sun cream; and historic towns, their streets now choked with traffic, their temples, churches and cathedrals seemingly reduced to a backdrop for holiday snaps that proclaim, ‘Been there. Done that’. Less appreciated, perhaps, is the social dislocation unsustainable Tourism can cause: once-cohesive communities disrupted as the holiday industry replaces old crafts, turning fishermen into tour boat operators and farmers into fast-food store waiters or hotel cleaners.
Criticism of the tourism industry
Although its strongest critics view the tourism industry as a rapacious predator - moving on to fresh conquests after one environment has been spoiled, and forever fuelling the desires of holidaymakers with the prospect of a new paradise that must be enjoyed ‘before it’s gone’ - there are many within the industry who reject the claim. They are at least partly right. There are examples where the travel trade is doing better. Of course, reforming initiatives often come after the damage has been done and in some cases for public relations purposes rather than from a commitment to sustainability.
Write your essay.
Feedback and text that needs to be corrected/re-checked is in red.
Tourism – time for reforms!
Over the past ten years or so the media have frequently carried reports of the appalling side-effects of mass tourism. The analysed texts are in tune with this both exploring the impacts of the tourism industry, yet from different perspectives.
The first extract evaluates the negative effects of Unsustainable Tourism on local communities from environmental as well as socio-cultural viewpoints.The presented arguments, in my opinion, are quite persuasive (which arguments?). Not only are the places of outstanding natural beauty being polluted and many species being deprived of their natural habitats to feed the insatiable monster of mass tourism, but also people living there have been deemed worthy only when they can serve the beast.
The second text, while acknowledging the criticism, offers a counterpoint, claiming that there have been some positive developments in the travel trade. According to the author, “many within the industry” have already embraced a responsible approach to tourism. Regrettably, however, reforming initiatives tend to occur in the aftermath of some irreversible changes in local communities and ecosystems. Moreover, I am inclined to believe that only rarely do we witness a deep sincere commitment to sustainable tourism. It is the attractive public image that drives some of the so-called reformers, not the real concern about the future of our planet.
To sum up, the extracts present criticism focused specifically on the phenomenon of mass tourism, urging the industry leaders to follow the best examples of commitment to sustainability before it is too late. I support this message wholeheartedly.
Feedback: The title is "time for reforms" but I think you didn't really mentioned any. All in all, I find the text well-written but the level of vocabulary of the 2 example texts is so high, that it is difficult to compete with it.
