NEWS FLASH !

The Rev.(really)The Rev. Ted Haggart admitted to a back rub and buying amphetamines from male prostitute. "I had a sore back and needed additional energy for a sermonthalon I was going to participate in" stated a haggard looking Haggart. Haggart faced a shocked flock in his Colorado Springs Mega-Church Friday night and admitted to a slight indiscretion, he also stated that he saw Elvis at the local mall the night before.

Haggart has been put on leave (with pay of course) from his job as President of the largest evangelical group in the USA. He will be entering a rehab center in California and hopes that with therapy he can be"as good as new" in thirty days or less"

Reported by Lalo LaLoon, Fernando "el chorreado" Martinez and C.C. Nouel.