2023-12-01 06:47
LOBO -Predator PressI know you're frustrated an pissed. I was there last year. Yellin at my students, takin pictures of graveyards, kickin the Dean upside down ... been ther… Read More
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Predator Press Blog
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2023-11-01 15:31
LOBO -Predator Press
I want to apologize to the people from happiest days of my life:Rich Hatting,Thomas Boucher,Tammy Reeves,Rob Weemhoff,Ronda Funn,Kevin Almeida,Lynette Almeida,Bill Adams… Read More
2023-05-22 07:32
LOBO -Predator Press"Can you sign it, 'To LOBO, the greatest athlete on Earth. He taught me everything I know, and is the Gofather of my children'?""This is a baseball," Tom Brady poin… Read More
2023-04-12 08:29
LOBO -Predator Press"Would you please stop doing 'The Robot'?" asks Wendy."Couldn't even wait for my breakdance finale?" I frustratedly sigh, gathering up the cardboard. "I don't think… Read More
2023-03-31 09:11
LOBO -Predator Press[*wrrrrrr*]I got bored so fast, I daydreamed about smashing the thing."We need to meet corporate blah, blah, before corporate blah blah ..."[*wrrrrrrr*]-Fucker has a USB… Read More
2023-02-24 06:34
LOBO -Predator Press"Look" I says. "Divorce is extremely likely. People have been marrying for hundreds of years, and Humanity still hasn't cracked the code."I grab her hand… Read More
2022-05-05 13:44
LOBO -Predator PressMe: I need you to recover my work files from yesterday.Flan: You want me to sort through your seventeen terabytes of porn to find this file? My phone b… Read More
2022-03-17 11:29
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2022-03-03 16:57
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2022-01-03 10:37
LOBO -Predator PressSo ya, I guess I owe it to the millions and millions of readers who are always asking me evey day "What ever happened to LOBO?"
And to a lesser degree, "... and Wendy?"… Read More
2021-10-27 18:32
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2021-09-14 15:18
LOBO -Predator PressJust started my first vacation in a decade, and OMG I am soooo bored.Expect some short stories.:) Read More
2021-06-01 16:39
LOBO -Predator Press
The irony of watching plumes of smoke along the coast from the deck of the Honeypot isn't lost on me.
"You look like you would rather be there," Fish giggles, pouring wi… Read More
2021-05-04 14:10
LOBO -Predator Press"Well congratulations," says says Gina, looking up from her newspaper.
The idea of a google employee reading a newspaper always cracks me up."For what?" In a bathro… Read More
2021-04-10 19:53
Predator Press [LOBO]
Millions and millions of readers are always asking me every day, "LOBO, where are you at with current day politics?"
I have founded the "Make America More Boring… Read More
2020-12-12 10:15
LOBO -Predator PressI've told so many crazy stories about how I blew up my shoulder two months ago, the boring truth will likely be lost to history."The Kama Sutra doesn't come with warning… Read More
2020-10-23 21:32
LOBO -Predator Press
"So this is how you spend your free time?"
"What?" I says. "I can't hear you over the fans."
She leans her mouth to my ear: "SO THIS IS HOW YOU SPEND YOUR FREE TIME… Read More
2020-09-17 09:44
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2020-09-14 06:13
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2020-09-10 09:47
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2020-08-27 06:11
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2020-08-19 17:37
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2020-08-17 08:08
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2020-08-10 11:48
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2020-07-25 16:10
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2020-06-30 06:24
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2020-06-21 06:46
LOBO -Predator Press
The irony of watching plumes of smoke along the coast from the deck of the Honeypot isn't lost on me.
"You look like you would rather be there," Fish giggles, pouring… Read More
2020-06-14 16:45
LOBO -Predator Press >| Read More
2020-06-10 14:48
Predator Press [LOBO]
As the worlds' most beloved Anarchist, millions and millions of people are always asking me every day "LOBO! What should we do?"
Look. I'm on a yacht in Internation… Read More
2020-05-27 17:29
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2020-05-26 15:28
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2020-05-01 07:11
LOBO -Predator Press
You will be different than everyone else. And I am proud of that. But I am sorry for the suffering it takes.
I love you, and I am sorry I wasn't there.
But we are "un… Read More
2020-04-15 16:53
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2020-04-14 14:37
LOBO -Predator Press
I haven't had much time to delve into the VR world. And, until recently, I regarded it merely as "nifty."
But then I got a copy of something that changed my opinion.&nbs&hell…Read More
2020-03-24 17:50
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2020-03-20 11:31
LOBO -Predator Press "Hello?"
"Hi Rachel.""What do you want?"
"Would you bring me up a bottle of water?""Are you serious?
"I haven't been home for six months," I explain into the phone thr… Read More
2020-03-05 19:03
LOBO -Predator Press Read More
2020-02-14 13:48
LOBO -Predator Press
Hostess "Limited Edition" Wintermint Ding Dongs were so horrifyingly bad, I had to eat a second one just to confirm they tasted like toothpaste.
Weeks -okay months late… Read More
2020-01-27 11:41
Predator Press [LOBO]
The Predator Press Center For Disease Control has issued the following recommendations so you do not transmit this disease to me: 1) Boil yourself at a minimum tem… Read More
2020-01-08 21:32
LOBO -Predator Press
All this time I could have been writing, I've been thinking about my Twitter crap. And why Star Wars stormtroopers usually offer the "good guys" a chance to surren… Read More
2019-12-26 20:39
LOBO -Predator PressAs I slowly wake up, how and why Barbarossa is driving me home from Vegas is growing clearer.
"Man," he says as I slap his hands away from the radio. "These office… Read More
2019-11-14 05:27
LOBO -Predator PressEven before the door shrapnel settled, The Fish demanded "What the Hell is going on in here?"Several timid musicians lowered their instruments in confusion."We were try… Read More
2019-10-11 14:24
LOBO -Predator Press
Gina busts the door open.
"You need to write something!"
I am luxuriating alone on a king size bed, with a fan powerful enough to levitate the satin sheets.
"Okay!" I… Read More
2019-10-11 04:39
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2019-09-10 06:18
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2019-07-06 16:10
LOBO -Predator Press
Like all good Americans, when I went broke I sold nuclear secrets to the Russians.
"This is picture of Chernobyl," observes Vladimir Dyatlov.
"Yes," I agree. "A very go… Read More
2019-07-06 07:05
LOBO -Predator Press Like all good Americans, when I went broke I sold nuclear secrets to the Russians.
"This is picture of Chernobyl," observes Vladimir Dyatlov.
"Yes," I agree. "A very go… Read More
2019-06-20 08:42
LOBO -Predator Press
"If I make bail, tell you where I'll go
I'm gonna cross the border into Mexico
Tequila's cheap and sunshine
-wind up banging everything in sight" Read More
2019-06-18 17:35
LOBO -Predator Press I missed work today because I was ambushed by a well-armed horde of hot time-traveling space ninjas. Subsequently held in a concentration camp for forty-four years, I es… Read More
2019-06-01 22:10
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2019-05-29 16:43
LOBO -Predator Press
"If I make bail, tell you where I'll go
I'm gonna cross the border into Mexico
Tequila's cheap and sunshine
-wind up banging everything in sight" Read More
2019-05-10 09:47
LOBO -Predator Press Read More
2019-05-07 16:34
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2019-02-15 18:29
LOBO -Predator Press n the Seventh Day, God and Jesus were in the garage working on Jesus' Pinewood Derby car. Both were frustrated, because Jesus' healing powers kept making the blocks of… Read More
2018-11-02 04:56
Predator Press [LOBO]
God made man in His image.
-But man was a slob. First he stopped shaving. Then he blew far past ‘love handles,' and went straight into full-fledged Wiscon… Read More
2018-10-30 16:39
LOBO -Predator Press
Hairy and sweaty, Froyo looks like he smells bad.
This is convenient, because he indeed does smell bad. I just bought him a case of Axe body spray for Christmas, hopin… Read More
2018-10-03 17:04
LOBO -Predator Press
A mere fifteen minutes after the freezing sweat started, I hurled a $6 coffee into the toilet.Smallpox.
This is a problem, because I am supposed to meet my friends to go… Read More
2018-05-09 15:06
LOBO -Predator Press
The Star Wars press machine is creeping up on me like an ex girlfriend with zip ties, matches, and gasoline.
No fictional character influenced my childhood more than H… Read More
2018-02-14 18:46
LOBO -Predator Press
Is Luann de Lesseps single? Something about that "I'm going to unleash the eels upon you" look turns me on Read More
2017-12-27 05:19
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2017-12-11 22:07
LOBO -Predator Press
I won't pretend to have invented the "SCRAM" bag, intended for impromptu vacations or unexpected travel. After three failed marriages, I keep one chambered at all times… Read More
2017-12-04 16:58
LOBO -Predator Press
About halfway into "Thor: Ragnarok," I realized I was crushing on -not Cate Blanchett- but Hela. Having had a similar experience with the "Suicide Squad" villain Enchan… Read More
2017-09-28 16:09
[LOBO]-Predator Press
With Twitter now a smouldering wasteland, I figure I'm safer writing on something nobody reads.
"So you pissed off a bunch of nerds," says Barbarossa. "What is th… Read More
2017-09-27 04:52
LOBO -Predator Press
I don't have a lot of time for social media anymore, but WOW my Twitter account isn't factoring that in. It can be an eyeful over morning coffee.
-And I am not "naming… Read More
2017-02-13 06:42
LOBO -Predator Press
When The Boss flies in thirty people from all over the world, you damn well better pretend to take notes.
Most people pretend to do so on laptops and cellphones, but I… Read More
2016-12-26 21:44
LOBO -Predator Press"Smiles, everyone, smiles," gestures Ricardo Montalban."Welcome to Fantasy Island" he says to me as I disembark the tiny plane.-And then I somehow spend the entire wee… Read More
2016-12-26 17:59
LOBO -Predator Press
Like The Phantom Menace, Prometheus got an almost immediate second viewing due to 1) trying to explain the plot so someone, and 2) hearing myself trying to do so.
Now… Read More
2016-12-17 18:06
LOBO -Predator Press
"Mitch?"
"Aspergers."
"Carol?"
"Way Aspergers."
"Calvin?"
I think for a second.
"Aspergers," I conclude.
Gina pulls away her glasses in frustration. "So you've diagn… Read More
2016-12-08 13:27
LOBO -Predator Press Click here for Heart of Gold Part I
"Listen," says the cop, uncuffing me. "We are going to throw this ... thing ... into the Hadron Collider."
"Oh really," I… Read More
2016-12-07 18:19
LOBO -Predator Press
His moves are so well-practiced, the handcuffs are on me before I know it.
Blase yet clear, the cop explains. "You are under arrest for criminal trespassing."
"I object… Read More
2016-12-01 00:32
LOBO -Predator Press
While ruling out a torn cruciate ligament via MRI, Doctor Gudenstont found a bullet my ankle. Getting it non-surgically reduced requires a series of injections… Read More
2016-11-25 03:19
LOBO -Predator Press
At this point in my life (and my fantasy football season), I figure I need to make peace with God.
But which one?
On the face, the seventy two virgin thing sounds pret… Read More
2016-11-18 14:11
LOBO -Predator Press I'm not here to take a political stance. When the election rolled around, it occurred to me I couldn't help pick out the living room furniture; I really have no… Read More
2016-11-01 05:02
LOBO -Predator Press
"Are you guys tech support?"
Even through the rubber jumpsuit, the guy in charge visibly squirmed. "Most customers don't contact us directly, as it ruins their imm… Read More
2016-09-06 15:54
LOBO -Predator Press
"Hi Doctor!" I feel impelled to wave. She is only three feet away, but through her enormous magnifying glass, her eyeball alone is the size of a football. "Is 'Gudenst… Read More
2016-09-02 10:14
LOBO -Predator Press Read More
2016-08-23 06:28
LOBO -Predator Press Read More
2016-08-17 14:45
LOBO -Predator Press
"Why don't you want to be promoted?" asks the guy on duty.
"We've been doing this dance for years," I remind. "I am smart enough to know there are smarter people than m… Read More
2016-03-04 17:02
LOBO -Predator Press
What if God just wanted Styrofoam?
And He created these amazing little tools that would eventually make Styrofoam for Him? They were pretty complicated tools as far as… Read More
2016-02-15 16:06
LOBO -Predator Press
My therapist says volunteering time to teach orphans how to shoplift is a poor way to deal with the guilt of being a true, full-time vehement racist.
And based on my car… Read More
2015-08-17 15:32
LOBO -Predator Press
"Moriarty didn't commit suicide, you moron" Rachel explains. "Morry is a tortoise. Tortises live on land."
"Well you're certainly not making me feel a… Read More
2015-07-08 12:27
LOBO -Predator Press
Work, travel, and life in general have really limited my ability to write this year. Many immolated themselves. Many jumped from tall buildings. Many immolated themselv… Read More
2015-05-06 12:15
Predator Press[LOBO]
Once again, at no small expense to you, we here at Predator Press have set out to settle an age-old question burning in everyone’s mind: W… Read More
2015-04-25 15:16
LOBO -Predator Press
"I'm not exactly certain why I'm here," I admit to Mr. Wayne. "Shit I didn't even know this room existed before now. You Human Resources people real… Read More
2015-04-25 15:10
LOBO -Predator Press Read More
2015-03-18 22:44
LOBO -Predator Press
First I need to apologize to Stephanie Barr, who actually commented on the post "Sisyphus" --a post I promptly deleted. Long story short, about ten days ago I heard… Read More
2015-03-17 22:09
LOBO -Predator Press
"Of course I'm Celebrating Saint Patrick's Day," says Cindy. "I'm Irish. Don't you care about heritage?"
"Pthbtt," I says. "If any our 'h… Read More
2015-01-04 18:16
LOBO -Predator Press
"Why does Bruce Wayne keep all this cool Batman memorabilia down in this cave?" I ask. "Won't it get moldy or something?"Stephanie Barr, at the Batputer, … Read More
2015-01-03 08:21
Predator Press [LOBO]
Disposing of my junk mail and shredded bills to prevent identity theft.
At great expense to me, I fly Destry Dentin, DDS, from London to Sydney… Read More
2014-12-29 00:03
LOBO -Predator Press
'Carpenter Pants.'
Ugh.
-The modern, durable version of 80's 'Parachute Pants.' Minus the teal, and presumably more flame-retardant.
Presumably.
"The… Read More
2014-12-21 15:27
LOBO -Predator Press
Nicki Minaj was sitting two seats in front of me.Nicki Minaj!
I tap her on the shoulder. "Miss Minaj, I am a huge fan." I beam, showing her my iPod Shuff… Read More
2014-11-27 21:06
LOBO -Predator Press J.J. Abrams' concept art of "R2D2" blows chunks.
Read More
2014-10-27 20:22
LOBO -Predator Press
A little research unearthed all I needed to know about my regional manager, Falala Banana. Miss Banana is feared company-wide, and mostly because she can rip Cap… Read More
2014-09-24 09:30
-LOBO, Predator Press
Many immolated themselves. Many jumped from tall buildings. Many immolated themselves, then jumped from tall buildings.
-But I am having a hard time keeping up wit… Read More
2014-09-05 19:49
Predator Press [LOBO]
"So you raised four times as much as you need for the divorce?" Al asks, still browsing Tinder on my phone. "How about this one?"O please Al. Shut the fuck up. For… Read More
2014-08-17 00:54
Predator Press [LOBO]
"Well, neither of us can afford a divorce," I says. "One of us had to figure out a way to monetize the situation and get it over with."
Rachel frowns. "Yo… Read More
2014-07-31 21:05
Predator Press
[LOBO]
It's bad enough I'm stuck in traffic trying to get Lars Arson to the airport. But it suddenly dawns on me Lars has chosen this moment to give me some profession… Read More
2014-07-30 21:45
Predator Press [LOBO]
I woke up annoyed that, for the third day in a row, something went wrong on the coffee pot timer.
The coffee didn't start, and I would have to undergo the arduous tas… Read More
2014-07-13 18:42
Predator Press
[LOBO]
A badly sunburned Lars Arson stumbles into the campsite about 9pm. His Hawaiian shirt is tattered, and he is wearing only one flip-flop.
He has been missing f… Read More
2006-06-07 11:16
Predator Press [LOBO]
Today was exactly the same as any other day. Shaved, showered, teeth brushed, car warmed up [via remote start], and a full commuter cup of steaming… Read More
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