I wish J would call me. I wish he would call to talk things out and not really apologize (because it's not really necessary) but at least say that he was wrong or felt badly for things. I just want him to make amends. I miss the stubborn and selfish bastard... well not that side of him, lol. I miss our Friendship, well the friendship we had before we broke up. I keep thinking about how much he changed after he broke up with me and I keep wondering... was he only nice to me because he felt he had to be because we were dating? Was he just my friend out of responsibility? I don't think that was the case, but it's a possibility. I just wish he didn't harbor so much anger towards me now, but it's to be expected. I don't dislike him, hate him, or have any strong negative feelings for him other than annoyance and frustration. I'm more or less just disappointed and slightly sad. I'm moving on just fine, it just sucks to have to have things end this way. I know I brought it on, but I just couldn't sit there anymore being silent because I couldn't stand it anymore, just hearing the tone of his voice to me on the phone or even the tone of his IM's just made me feel less than someone in his life, and that made me wanna claw my eyes out.

Things will be interesting in the next couple of months. Soon his cousin will be out of jail and since I am decently good friends with him I am wondering how J will deal with that. He seems to be dealing with Shelley and I being friends fine, so that's good. I'm just hoping it stays that way and that he doesn't start to become all ultimatum-ish with them. Soon his cousin will have a new house and is going to be throwing parties, I'm sure I'll be invited, and I'm sure J will too... that's where things will get interesting. I'm sure eventually we will have to be at the same place, and I don't mind that... like I said, I have no qualms with him and don't care to start drama, that's the last thing I need. I just hope he can be mature, but that's probably asking for too much, we shall see... I'm not putting any faith in it. I just wish things were different, but they aren't so onward we go!