Slap!

Slap!

*harder*

Slap!

Sven asked me why I was smacking myself in the face, but I didn't have an immediate answer for him. I was too busy slapping myself.

Truth be told, I really beat the Christ out of me the other night. After we'd taken our leave of Jman's party.

It wasn't a bad get-together, either. Jman and (insert wife's-forgotten-name-here) laid out a nice spread of chips, multi-layer dip, and several salsas varying in degrees of painfulness. Plus, there was plenty of whiskey, which made me feel like a chump for having brought my own.

I wound up hitting the host's stash, as well.

Back to the slapping. I had to hit myself seven or eight more times before I realized my game plan wasn't working.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

That was Sven. The one asking me "what the fuck" I was doing.

What I was doing was segueing from slapping myself to grinding some skin off my knuckles, punching the FTW Ranch's stucco.

I had a theory.

See, walking when you're on crutches isn't the easiest thing in the world to do, especially after whiskey-ing it up all night.

So I fell.

And in falling, I landed on my broken foot.

It hurt about as badly as...well...time to break out the Pain-O-Meter:





"I'm trying to make my foot hurt not hurt so badly."

That was me, telling Sven, between punches.

Kind of that "I'll give you something to cry about" mentality we got to grow up with.

And the thing is, it worked. It took a grand ass kicking on my part, but after it was all said and done, I didn't feel my foot at all.

Didn't even feel it in the morning, when my knuckles resembled ground beef and my face felt like it'd gone ten rounds with a lesbian that I couldn't hit back.

Suppose the moral to this story is: "Violence. The best painkiller."

In other news, I suppose I'm a bit overdue, but I should make mention of Ru's bachelor party. Without going into too much detail, there were boobies and copious amounts of liquor. And some hot, man-on-man oil wrestling. And loads of mayonnaise all over poor Charlize Theron's likeness.

But really, i think the following photo set pretty much sums the whole evening up...








Stay violent,

-Jb
CEO FTW, Inc.
05.22.06