Francis, the cat, is in his bed, about to nod off when the Pen comes into the room.

The Pen grins deviously as soon as it spots Francis.

Pen: Hey there stink ball!
Cat: Hey there dammed soul…
Pen: what´re you doing?

Cat: about to sleep, you?
Pen: about to nag.
Cat: Don´t you have something better to do?

Pen: what could possibly bet better than to mock you relentlessly?
Cat: you´re seriously damaged, did you know that?
Pen: We´ve discussed this Francis, you´re the damaged one.
Cat: Useless stick!

Pen: Oh but my friend, do not confuse yourself with such nonsense, since it is not I the useless one, but you. A useless ball of fur, a meaningless creature, that eats, sleeps and farts.

Cat: Face it you decrypt creature, you have an incredibly sad existence.

Pen: what the hell did you eat this time? A dictionary?
Cat: Truth is you´re ancient.
Pen: yes well, since you´re so keen on history, I must tell you that cats have been domesticated and used by humans for centuries now.

Cat: Oh but you´re highly mistaken.
Pen: am I now?
Cat: yes.
Pen: how so?

Cat: Humans haven´t domesticated cats.
Pen: oh no?
Cat: No. Cats have domesticated humans.
Pen: you´re delusional, as per usual.

Cat: am I now?
Pen: very much so, yes.
Cat: Pen, humans bring us, cats, into their homes. They feed us, bathe us, give us warm beds to sleep in; they coddle us like we´re their most proud possessions.

Pen: yes, well, that´s actually true. I can´t argue with you on that point.
Cat: aha!
Pen: what?

Cat: you do think I´m right!
Pen: yes, Francis. I guess you´re right. What do you want? A cookie?
Cat (interested): do you have one?

Pen: no.
Cat: Then why the heck did you ask if I wanted a cookie?
Pen: no nag.

Cat: I hate you!
Pen: yes, you keep saying that. But I believe the actual truth is you love me.
Cat: Shut up…

Pen: Francis?
Cat: what?
Pen: let´s get married!

Francis gets up and starts to walk away.

Pen: Hey! I´m talking to you!
Cat (walking away): Bye Pen.
Pen: Francis, baby, come back here.
Cat: Go die!

Pen: Francis?
Cat (looks back): what?
Pen: do you still want a cookie?
Cat (falls for it again): do you have one?

Pen (grins): No.
Cat: sooner or later you´ll be punished. Next time you´ll come back as a toilet brush!

Pen: yeah just keep believing that.
Cat: stupid stick.

Francis walks away, bitching.

Pen: Ha! Ha! Ha!

The end.

2018_ Joana Teixeira