Dr. Mike Hanek is a relationship expert, addiction specialist, and board-certified psychotherapist. He has spent his 35-year career answering your questions and helping you on the journey known as life.

Dear Dr. Mike,

This year my youngest child graduated from high school and is off to college, leaving my wife and I with an Empty home for the first time in decades. Having both recently retired, we have found a new sense of loneliness and are looking for ways to fill our days without spiraling into a deep depression. Do you have any tips for empty nesters looking to remain busy?

Sincerely,

Empty Nester

Dr. Mike was unable to answer today’s letter due to being cast as Gretchen Weiners in the touring company of Mean Girls on Broadway. In his place will be world-renowned supervillain and enemy of justice, Dr. Diabolical.

QUAKE WITH FEAR FOR I, DR. Diabolical, THE BANE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD, HAVE ARRIVED TO SPREAD TERROR TO ALL THOSE BEFORE HIM!!!

Jeez Empty Nester, it sounds like you have quite the dilemma there. And it is one that I, DR. DIABOLICAL, THE TRUE MASTER OF EVIL, knows all too well. 

You see, it wasn’t that long ago, well before the plans of world domination, that my wife passed on. My kids were long grown with families of their own living far away, and I, DR. DIABOLICAL, SCOURGE OF FREEDOM, was as lonely as lonely could be. 

One day, while sitting on a bench feeding some ducks, a man approached me saying that I, DR. DIABOLICAL,  THE MAN WHO FEELS THE NEED TO SAY “ACTUALLY” AFTER EVERY FACT YOU MAKE TO PROVE THAT I AM SMARTER THAN YOU, looked lost. He said his group was called N.O.V.A., and he invited me to a meeting, so I went.

Now at the time he did not explain that N.O.V.A. was an acronym for the Nefarious Order of Vile Atrocities, nor that their goal was to take over the planet to install their own totalitarian rule. But once I, DR. DIABOLICAL, THE KICKER OF PUPPIES AND ALL THAT IS CUTE, figured it sounded more exciting than a bridge club. 

And you know what, Empty Nester? Turns out that good ol’ Dave Diabolical was a natural at supervillainy. And I, DR. DIABOLICAL, THE MAN WHO MAKES HOT DOGS COME IN PACKAGES OF EIGHT AND HOT DOG BUNS COME IN PACKAGES OF TEN, would never have found that purpose if it wasn’t for having that feeling of loneliness to begin with.

So what I, DR. DIABOLICAL, THE MAN WHO TAKES THE ONE SOCK FROM THE DRYER TO ALWAYS ENSURE YOU ARE MISSING ITS MATE, am really saying is that it is never too late to find and follow your passion. You and your wife should engross yourself in your hobbies, or discover new and exciting things that you may love to help fill the void you are feeling from having your kids away at school.

And if you find yourself thirsty for the blood of your enemies or desiring to crush democracy under an iron boot, then give me, DR. DIABOLICAL, THE BRINGER OF A FULL CART OF GROCERIES TO THE EXPRESS LINE, a call. We can always use a few more foot soldiers in the battle against good.

MMMMMWAAAAHAAAHAAAAAHAAAAAAAA

Cordially,

Dr. David Diabolical, the one who stole the cookie from the cookie jar