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Getting out the Woggle

There are times when one should be prepared. This motto was taught to the Beard-Grows-Free when he was a Young stripling and was forced to sit through camp fire stories by the Akela while trying not to lose one’s Woggle. Though even at a young age I was always a bit miffed at why one would require fire making skills when you could always nip down to the local estate on a given day and find police cars toasting away. It would come as no surprise that this particular fuzzy creature was quite happy in an urban environment.

As I have probably discussed before, this comes as no surprise to me considering the closest my ancestral history has come to a camp-life is Uncle Ali’s insistence on a Tom Selleck ‘Tache & Mullet at all times. Also one must consider that upon being confronted by mountainous terrain of speed bumps in the high street I come from stock that would be courageously heading for the Range Rover Dealership.

This brings me a bit of a conundrum that bothered me when I saw this particular headline.


Note my shock, horror, and carry-on based exclamations when the Daily Torygraph let it be known that children as young as seven are being trained into committing chicanery by the nefarious long-bearded types. The idea that “Around 10 primary school pupils” had been taken into the Surrey Constabulary’s Channel Programme – which disappointingly enough has nothing to do with French collaborators or perfume.

Apparently, the Plods of Suburbia had found some little rascal scribbling on his exercise book “I want to be a suicide-bomber”. I won’t pause for a moment at the quaint notion of a 21st century urchin managing to put together sentences that contain vowels, or wonder why he didn’t text/SMS the message to his teacher or even shake my head at the child’s inability to pick an appropriate violence-based role model.

These things miss the wider point. Surrey Constabulary have decided to re-educated the poor misguided younglings by offering them “football coaching and outdoor adventure courses.” Yes, fellow beard-lovers they want to send these little people off to grab their woggle and salute to Arkela and we know how successfully THAT worked with yours truly.



This post first appeared on Fear Of A Bearded Planet, please read the originial post: here

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Getting out the Woggle

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