A warning from the Freebeard – be terrified of the internet Rage of Teenage Girls. The boys from semtex-land have got nothing on the ground-battering torrent of fury that flows when you mix hormones with righteous indignation - as veteran hate peddler and all round loon Debbie Schlusselwill no doubt testify as One Directioners take exception to her attack on Zain Malik’s #creeping Shariah.
Related Articles
You see, Schlussel is convinced that teen pop clone ZainMalik, whose interests include not wearing his shirt and expressing his appreciation of Anish Kapoor’s sculpturein hair gel, is the vanguard of the Islamisation of flowering young American maidenhood.
Apparently Zain is a skilled Jihadi warrior who utilises the mysteries of “twitter” to type out nefarious coded messages such as “God is Great” and “Ramadan is hard” to extol the virtues of wearing Burqa and joining a harem as Wife 4.0. No doubt this must be stopped. One cannot have the mass audience of Teenage girls, the future of America and the “Free World” corrupted by the blatant call to holy war and subjugation to shariah law envisioned by his deadly lyrical balladry.
It’s worse than she thinks. Surely Schlussel has missed the clues to the real purpose of Zai’s mission When he sings, “Something's gotta give now/ Cause I'm dying just to make you see /That I need you here with me now/ Cause you've got that one thing” this is obviously a command to the hordes of sleeper cell teens trapped in their indoctrination camps (also known as sleepovers) to burst forth and destroy civilisation itself.
It’s worse than she thinks. Surely Schlussel has missed the clues to the real purpose of Zai’s mission When he sings, “Something's gotta give now/ Cause I'm dying just to make you see /That I need you here with me now/ Cause you've got that one thing” this is obviously a command to the hordes of sleeper cell teens trapped in their indoctrination camps (also known as sleepovers) to burst forth and destroy civilisation itself.
However, unluckily for Schlussel, the One Directioners know about her little article, and they are beginning to spread the word. In those wonderful twists of life and the internet the Online Rage machine that Schlussel is trying to feed may have unleashed the online rage behemoth of teenage adoration. In one voice they rise and say:
“if Zayn see this and he breaks down , not only me but all the directioners will break you face ! You hurt one of them by writing this shit, you hurt us too !"
It’s too late for Shclussel. The Freebead is heading to his bunker , he advises you do the same.
“if Zayn see this and he breaks down , not only me but all the directioners will break you face ! You hurt one of them by writing this shit, you hurt us too !"
It’s too late for Shclussel. The Freebead is heading to his bunker , he advises you do the same.
P.S For the less easily amused - this article is meant to be a joke ie. satire. Sadly Debbie Schlussel is perfectly serious.
