Do you remember the Pirates vs. Ninjas debate of the early internet era? It always seemed pretty clear to me that ninjas would win that fight. After all, they’re highly-trained, well-equipped and extremely disciplined fighters, whereas pirates were mostly just a ragtag assortment of drunken sailors preying on defenseless merchants along busy shipping lanes. Yep, ninjas, no question. But what if the pirates… wait for it… were also vampires? Well, that’s a whole other kettle of fish. Ninjas are pretty hot shit as far as the mortal realm goes, but I’m frankly not sure that they’re equipped to deal with the unholy ranks of the undead. Shiruken don’t work on vampires. Nunchucks don’t work on vampires. Smoke bombs? Please. Ninjas might as well lay down on a buffet cart if they’re trying to compete with vampirates for the mastery of the night. No, put your hand down, I’m not taking any questions.



Well, with that debate put to rest, I think we can safely turn our attention to an even more important question: how can we throw the best damn Vampirate party on the Seven Seas? Well don’t you worry, because I’ve got that one covered, too.
Step 1: Costumes

Obviously, good costuming is a must. Luckily, it shouldn’t be too difficult to figure out. Start with a basic pirate costume–you know, hook hand, bandana, eye patch, tricorn hat, puffy shirt, sword–and then start outfitting it with touches of vampire. These neck bite temporary tattoos are a good place to start, and obviously you’re going to need a set of fangs (also available in glow-in-the-dark and as tooth caps). A black cape of some sort wouldn’t be amiss either, and if you’re really feeling ambitious, maybe even try on these vampire bat wings for size.



Step 2: Decorations
Remember now, you’re on the decks of a sea bandit, manned by the (literally) bloodthirsty ranks of the damned. Of course, you’re going to need a Vampirate Flag to fly prominently somewhere in the room. Feel free to use our suggestion (above)!

If you have an old set of bedsheets laying around (preferably white or off-white), cut a few slashes in them with a serrated knife and drape them around the party area to be the tattered remnants of the mainsail. Any sort of netting you can find or buy will also look excellent when hung or draped over furniture. You can even tangle in some of our seaweed boas to give it a more nautical feel! And of course, remember to spatter everything with a generous amount of red paint… after all, these are VAMPIRES we’re talking about.
And keep in mind, low lighting is definitely key. Vampirates only hunt at night, so bright lights would hardly be appropriate. Plus, it will help set an eerie atmosphere, which is obviously important for such an affair.
Step 3: Entertainment



Good entertainment is important for any successful party. Sure, you could listen to The Vampirates all evening… but that doesn’t quite set a good party atmosphere. In my opinion, you’re better off putting on a few truly terrible films and making ruthless fun of them with your friends. And, as luck would have it, the vampire AND pirate genres are chock-full of cheesy and hilarious classics.


Vampire Movies:
Nosferatu
Dracula
Fright Night
From Dusk Til Dawn
Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter


Pirate Movies:
Hook
The Goonies
Muppet Treasure Island
Pirates of the Caribbean
The Princess Bride