Due to the economy, the recession and the general arseholes; the world is quite a sad place. The reason to why most people get drunk or take drugs so much is quite simple really. Would you like to be sober in a world like this? To experience all the doom and gloom?
Now that I've depressed you all, I can make you smile! When you're down in the dumps, just do the things on this list and you'll feel a gizillion times better! F A C T.
1. Take your bra off. HOW GOOD DOES THAT FEEL!?
If you're a bloke then... Put a bra on. Yeah, that should work? YOU HAVE TITS MY FRIEND!!!! You'll never need a girlfriend again!
2. YouTube 'cute kittens'. My friend, you are welcome! http://youtu.be/rUL0M__g1k4 (The kid is a mean bitch to that cat. You'll see)
3. Get a big, fat, juicy, calorie ridden McDonalds/KFC. Eat until you can't eat no more meat, and then buy an ice cream! All your trouble will simply float away with your diet!
4. Buy a dog. Dogs are pretty cool! You can get them in all shapes and sizes and you can choose their names! If you get a poodle or some poncy dog like that, you get to style their hair!
5. Repeat Step 3.
6. Thank the lord that you wasn't at the music awards to witness Miley Cyrus' turkey arse.
7. Search '50 Shades Of Birmingham' on Facebook. Again, you're very welcome.
8. Grab a giant pot of hair shizzle and give yourself a Mohican! Or your dog/nan/brother/boss/teacher. It's your choice!
9. Go for a run! Naked.
See how far you can get through your local town centre without being arrested! A fun live game of cat and mouse! You'd pay £13.99 in whsmiths for that!!!
10. Shave your best friends head while they sleep. Tip: it's more fun if she's a girl! Also you get 100 Bonus Points if you get the eyebrows too.
11. Repeat step 3.
12. Put a Disney film on, preferably one with animals in. Skip the film to 45 minutes and 3 seconds, then recreate that scene with your pets/nan/brother/boss.
13. Create a free hugs sign! Then go and stand in the roughest neighbour hood you can find, and see if you last 5 minutes. Actually, I give you 3!
14. Thank the heavens that Charlie Sheen exists.
15. Go into KFC and order some chicken tits.
16. Repaint your brothers bedroom to a lovely fusia shade and replace all his posters with Justin Bieber ones. 100 bonus points if he cries.
17. Go and spend some time with your friends/family you antisocial buggar!
18. Pull a moonie at a nun.
19. Repeat step 3.
20. Be Louie Spence for the day. Your life will improve SO much. We all <3 the Spence.
You have no idea how much fun I had writing this! Ofcourse I warn you all not to do most of them. But you're not that stupid, right? Let us hope not. For the sake of the future generation.
