So this morning an old Gentleman got onto the Train, and naturally everyone was suddenly attacked by a vicious bout of narcolepsy or found something incredibly interesting in whatever they were looking at. I was in the middle of the carriage and got up to let the fellow sit down. As he ambled over, a pregnant woman suddenly appeared and I realized we had a seat-off!

A hush fell over the train, and I think some doves took flight. No one moved a muscle.

His eyes narrowed behind his specs, and the pregnant lady steadied herself on the her feet, delivering a steely gaze as she fiddled with her badge. With a flick of her wrist she suddenly flung it at the gentleman who, with lighting reflexes, dodged it without taking his eyes off her. Somewhere in the back someone was decapitated.

Now it was his turn. He calmly took off his tie, and began to whirl it until there was nothing but a blur in front of him. He jumped forwards and whipped it at her, but a slight miscalculation caused it to wrap around a pole instead.

The train suddenly shuddered to a stop - we were at Euston - my stop. I wanted to stay, but unfortunately I had to get to work. As the train pulled away, the last thing I saw was the pregnant lady dive at the gentleman with her copy of the Metro. The train was shaking and the screams could be heard well into its journey down the tunnel.