2012-07-08 10:46
Macho law forbids you to admit you are wrong.A girl’s weakest moment is after her strongest drink.Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize that you haven’t fallen asleep… Read More
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2012-07-08 10:44
I YELL OW! . BEFORE I EVEN KNOW I HURT . . JUST IN CASEI'm planning on opening a religious gym that teaches power walking combined with doorbell ringing and door knocking. I am going to call… Read More
2012-07-08 10:43
Much like Sports Illustrated, once a year summer gives me swimsuit issues.I've always wanted to go to Switzerland and see what the army does with those little red knives.I thought I wanted a… Read More
2012-07-08 10:42
I HAVE A PERFECT SWIM SUIT BODY BUT I DON'T SHOW IT OFF MUCH BECAUSE ITS KIND OF A HASSLE TO BRING IT UP FROM THE CELLARThat 5 second delay when newscasters are talking to foreign correspond… Read More
2012-07-08 10:41
It's always "Too hard. Too soft. Too short. Too thick." I'm never inviting Goldilocks to another orgyTHE AWSME MOMENTWHEN THERE ARE NO ONE EXCEPT YOU N UR FRIENDS IN THE CLG N UR SMOKING CIG… Read More
2012-07-08 10:40
WHO SAYS I CAN'T COOK? . YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVEN'T TASTED MY CEREAL.Facebook: the one site we all criticize, yet couldn't live without.They say the early bird gets the worm....Helloooooo tequila… Read More
2012-07-08 10:38
Sorry, I can't hangout. My uncle's cousin's sister in law's best friend's insurance agent's roommate's pet goldfish died. It was tragic.I drink on Sunday to forget that tomorrow is Monday.Th… Read More
2012-06-27 19:46
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.Remember: Don't insult the crocodile until after you cross the river.Old age is nothing to worry about, except if you’re a cheese.I don't know abo… Read More
2012-06-27 19:45
Facebook is like Jail, you sit around and waste time, You write on walls and you get poked by people you dont know.If you lend someone $10 and never see them again, it was probably money wel… Read More
2012-06-27 19:41
if at times life seems to get too tough then turn up the music and grab another beerwhenever i want to fall in love with my books my bed seduces me. . .If at first you don't succeed, redefin… Read More
2012-06-27 19:36
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. "Alright, get in the basket"Yesterday I knew nothing....today I know that....!!!Women live longer than men coz they don't have wives ....Men are l… Read More
2012-06-27 19:33
Me n My Girlfriend were happy for past 20 yearsAnd then we met....Don't believe your heart its not on the right side ...Why do people put designs on toilet paper? It's not like when they wip… Read More
2012-06-27 19:32
"If you're talking behind my back, you're in a good position to kiss my ass"love ,,,what u feel is right,,,Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.If a Store is Open… Read More
2012-06-27 19:31
he who dares winsThis guy walk's into a bar........."OUCH" don't talk to me with that lookthrowing grenades at bruno mars's girlfriend to see if he is all talk no walk Read More
2012-06-27 19:27
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have - the older she gets the more interested he is in her.gigidy gigidy gigidy gigi… Read More
2012-06-27 19:23
The word today is legs let's go back to yours and spread the word!!Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.Mommy, Mommy… Read More
2012-06-27 19:18
All men should marry ..... after all.... Happiness is not the only thing in the world!!!The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he… Read More
2012-06-27 19:13
If you think paper beats rock ,hold this piece up to your face while I get a rockI want u to hav candel-lit dinner wit me and want to say those MAGICAL THREE WORDS to u..."PAY THE Bill" ;)On… Read More
2012-06-27 19:10
time flies when your throwing watches..There's about as much privacy in the Digital Age as toothpaste in a henhouse.at Walmart my son was wearing caouflage pants and i couldnt find himSanta'… Read More
2012-06-27 19:08
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.The two-party political system gives either party the chance to swear BY what the ot… Read More
2012-06-27 19:06
The awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.I'm well.... why don't you drop in sometime… Read More
2006-06-07 11:16
I'm in the mood to flood the whole place with uppercuts!!!I wonder if T-Pain ever buy that girl a drink?.....His cheap self- lying bastard make other girl push on niggas in the club to pop b… Read More
2006-06-07 11:16
No need to be popular just to win someone's heart. Be yourself. Because in someone's eyes, you are already special.WHAT DID THE PATRIOT PUT ON HIS DRY SKIN? REVO-LOTIONBack in the day, my fa… Read More
2006-06-07 11:16
When you walk into a Spider Web, it's funny how u instantly know kung-fuI wish people realized that accepting a friend request doesn't mean I'll respond to your chat message.American kid:"so… Read More
2006-06-07 11:16
Do you suppose the inventor of the vibrator heard a voice that said, "If you build it, they will come." What do you do with 365 used rubbers? Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a… Read More
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