Those born within the influence of Dolly Parton will find that working 9 to 5 is no longer an option following lengthy leg surgery to correct a lazy Hambone.

On the 11th you will discover that Mexico is a place and not, as previously believed, a person. This will cause a stirring within the Geographic community and may result in your total and absolute alienation from human society. Not to worry however as there remains many other societies you can join, including Otter, Ant and Trout.

Beware of Valerie Singleton's Tit Rope on the 24th as this could result in extreme chaffing. Employ a sufficient Tit Cream such as Sauce de Loin to avoid this.

See http://philliphitech.blogspot.com/2005/12/advertisement-valerie-singletons-tit.html for further information.

Dolly Parton is a wind sign and as such most persons born under her will experience medical conditions such as John Inman's of the Quim and Facial Crumbs . Neither condition is fatal but people will pay good money to see both in some form of modern day freak show.

Your lucky number is: Jubblylicious.

Warning: Astromological readings provided by Russell 'my eyes are bleeding' Crowe.