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Ninja (Un)expectations

I'm back with AVENGENCE, like most Ninjas do. We strike back when you least expect it, and nobody was expecting me to post here again. It's kind of stupid like that, when I go off on a Ninja mission, like to kill about 300 enemy ninjas they'll probably say "We aren't expecting him to come back" but then there I am when they least expect it. The fact that they're not expecting me to sneak in on them when they're about to go to sleep or come home means there's a high level of unexpectation. So I'm unexpectedly unexpected, and I usually like to drop kick the person in question either in the back or the head.
You see, this is traditionally a wrestling move, and it's unexpected for ninja to use wrestling moves. Have you ever seen a ninja piledrive another ninja? I think not- unless you've met me. And chances are you haven't, because if you met me you'd probably be dead. And dead people can't read, it's a handicap that comes with not being alive.
A dropkick is sometimes used by ninjas though. But it's not an intentional dropkick like I use on some people. When you're fighting, you usually do some freestyle fighting shit. It's not all about blocking and kicking and using swords doncha know (to answer this question; no you don't. Because you are not a ninja)? Ninjas have to think and move fast, and in some situations a dropkick can come in handy. Just like biting someone's ear off- that was not invented by Mike Tyson (although he does the technique well), sometimes like if you're being grappled by an enemy ninja you might have to bite their ear off. Swallowing it is not reccomended.

IMPROVISATION= very important to ninja.
But when ninjas use a dropkick, they're not doing it because it looked awesome on the WWF or whatever. It's because it's NINJA INSTINCT, bitches! But when I do it, I do it for the sheer joy of knowing that it was used as a dropkick. It's similar to punching someone in the dick if they're strangling you and just for the hell of it. You either do it because you have to, or because you want to. For me, it's a mixed reaction. I want to do it, therefore I have to do it.
Dropkicking usually results in someone flying forwards as a result of the momentum. This can result in them falling on the floor about 86% of the time! Sometimes they just stumble to a halt and spin around and give that "What the fuck, ninja" look to you. You can also either recover from a dropkick or just fall down. Dropkicking should act as a sharp push off the 'victim' so you either fall back on the floor or if you're a ninja you just land swifly back on your feet. Either way, you're probably going to end up on the floor laughing at the victim who also fell on the floor. I don't recommend you do this on a bed of spikes.
A lot of the time you can get carried away and actually break their spine. This can be funny, but it also results in paralysing them I think. It's good for ninja revenge, but not for your ninja friends. See my previous posts for more details on that hardcore ninja shit!

So back to my point; the level of unexpectedness is devastating.
1: It's unexpected I will return.
2: It's unexpected I will show up when they least expect it.
3: It's unexpected I will fucking dropkick them.
4: It's unexpected why I did that shit and that I returned.

That's fucking NINA UNEXPECTED. Not just unexpected. A good ninja is never expected. If you get an invite to a party, you should never turn up on time. Then the people are all like; "Wow, I was expecting him to arrive on time, it's unexpected he would turn up late. I guess we should not expect him to come at all!" and then you should break through the window and they'll be like; "Oh my god, that was an unexpected arrival! We weren't expecting that!"

A wise man once told me; "Expect the unexpected... then the unexpected will know you expect it unexpectedly and arrive as you expected it."

That's some deep shit right there. A ninja lives by stealth and the shadows. People look at the shadows and expect a ninja there, but then they just walk away as they if there was a ninja there, it's expected that they would have their face cut into 60 pieces before they blinked. But then unexpectedly, the unexpected ninja does the expected and YOU ARE DEAD.
I've spent many hours just thinking about this shit, and it was all worth it. You have to be on your toes more than a fat kid trying to reach for the cookie jar. There's a difference between being paranoid and ninja expectation. With ninja expectation you have to expect all kinds of shit, especially the unexpected. Then you're prepared for everything.

My ninja friend once refused to take two swords with him when I told him he might lose the other. He said:
"There's no chance I'll lose my sword."
"Expect the unexpected, you stupid dumbass." is what I replied with.

Of course he did end up losing his sword, and was unable to fight off 3 samurais who wanted him dead for stealing their sister. Sure, I was the one who stole his sword from him but that's not the point. I was trying to teach him a lesson that unexpected shit happens all the time and you should be ready for it. He wasn't expecting me to sneak into his room at night, take pictures of him and the samurai's sister having sex, and stealing his sword- but if he did it might not have happened. I still would have got the pictures either way though; that shit's hot. Now that he's dead I might try and move in on his girl. And she better fucking like it, or I'll stab her. In a good way though.
I don't think you non-ninja people will be able to get your inferior minds around this intense shit though. They don't teach you this in school or anything. You need to go on mystical quests and meet old men with huge ass beards and kill about 600 ninjas and then go days without eating and drinking just sitting on rooftops looking at the full moon which stays full until you realise the art of expecting the unexpected. Or in this case, you could just read my awesome blog.
But that doesn't make you a ninja like me.



This post first appeared on I'M A NINJA, BITCH, please read the originial post: here

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Ninja (Un)expectations

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