KOSCIUSKO, MISSISSIPPI – For many years Oprah Winfrey has told the story of being so lonely as a poor child growing up in the south that she made friends with two cockroaches and named them Melinda and Sandy. In a startling turn of events, Oprah Winfrey producers announced today that Melinda and Sandy were found alive last week in Mississippi. Cecil Baker lives down the street from the house where Oprah was raised in poverty. He told reporters that he’s been caring for Melinda and Sandy for almost fifty years. “They came over to my house when Oprah moved away. I’ve had ’em ever since.” Rory Parker is a biologist at Northwestern University. He met with the Daily Rash at a local Starbucks and said it would be impossible for the two roaches to be Melinda and Sandy. “I’ve been studying living things for forty years and I can assure you there is no way in hell that those two bugs are Melinda and Sandy. No way in hell!” The biologist yelled loud enough to make his fellow Starbucks customers take notice. “Now, don’t get me wrong, I want those insects to be Melinda and Sandy as much as the […]