CANCER SURVIVORS Family BLAMES GOD

SPRINGFIELD, INDIANA
Family members of Dawn Sutherland gathered around the families four acre estate in western Massachusetts today to mourn the loss of the hundreds of thousands of dollars they missed out on by the survival of their loved one Dawn, who many in the family believed was terminally ill with an inoperable brain tumor doctors had discovered months earlier. Family spokesman and dawns husband had this to say “We are at a loss of words in this time of extreme grief and sorrow. To almost have something so real and tangible in your hands and then taken away by a cruel, cruel god is just more than we can bear”. The Sutherlands had hundreds of thousands gambled away in life insurance premiums that were supposed to pay off upon dawns death, but because of her “miraculous” recovery, the family will not get a dime of the pay off they had already spent.
“I just bought a new flat screen T.V on a payment plan along with a new Total Gym I saw in an infomercial” reports family member Amber “Diamond” Sutherland. “This whole thing is God’s fault” she ads as she drowns her sorrows and missed fortunes in a Natural Ice beer.
Dawn, a self described Jesus freak, sought the help of local bishop Anthony Barnes of the Mormon church to perform a life saving blessing upon her enormously out of proportioned head. It was that blessing dawn recalls that began the miraculous healing and remission of her terminal cancer. One day it was there pressing against my undoola omla goda, and the next it was shrinking like the penis of a straight man in a gay bar. Dawns doctors were shocked at the miraculous transformation and remission dawn had experienced and claimed that not even the holistic 101 class in med school had prepared them for anything like this. “It was truly a miracle from god” Dr. Evan Guilde told the associated press in a news conference held at the local bowling alley.
In the meantime, Dawns family remains in animated shock and disbelief at their terrible turn in luck. “we had such high hopes and grand plans for that money, now its just a pointless lost pipe dream. Kind of like hoping they take Rosie O’Donnell off the air for good” reports family member Tim Sutherland. For now though, the family remains hopeful that this remission is just a fluke and that the tumor returns with devastatingly quick vigilance to finish her off, and for a quick payout.
Donations can be made to the family through a savings account with trans union bank of Massachusetts under the name “Dawns Death Fund”.