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Here’s my latest learnings from women’s on-line dating profiles

as well as interactions.

Abraham Lincoln: “The soul is best cleansed with vinegar, baking soda,

and a toothbrush. Or sharing your humiliations publicly.”

Woman 1: I’m looking for a man that can keep up with me.

Me: I’m a lot bigger and a lot faster than you, so no matter how fast you

run away from me I am going to catch you and take you down.

Go ahead walk away briskly. Run. I’ll give you a head start.

Woman 2: I’m an “evolved” woman and I’m looking for an “evolved” man.

Me: I think you need to look up the meaning of the word “evolved.”

Evolution takes many, many generations.

Unless, you are saying you finally got rid of that Useless Pinky toe?

The rest of us are at least a 1000 generations behind you.

Good luck on finding that “evolved” guy who got rid that useless pinky toe.

Or, on the evolutionary front you realize I’m at least a 1000 generations

behind you and really a Neanderthal? Trust me. That’s all guys.

Apparently many women love “sarcasm?”

Interesting, I was always taught that this was cruel and unkind growing up.

Woman 3: “I love sarcasm and can take it as well as dish it out…bring it on!”

Me: “OK. Those pants make you look fat.”

Me: “Why are you crying?!” “Don’t you know a sarcastic compliment when you get one?

Here is another perplexing one I hear all the time.

Must be from some book or movie that some women consider important?

Woman 4,5 & 6: “Go big or go home!”

Me: Look. I’m a guy, I was born big. I can go where ever the hell I want.

Home is not a bad option.

Damn useless pinky toe.

Woman 7: I’m a nonjudgmental woman . I’m looking for a nonjudgmental male.

Me: Is this your way of telling me you used to be a man?

Woman 8: You look like you just got out of prison.

Me: Thanks. I shaved off my ZZ Top beard just this morning.

Woman 9: You look like trouble.

Me: Is that good or bad.

Woman 9: Both.

Finally, progress…