I have been married for seven years and can hardly remember what it was like to date. Hmmm. I think that was back in the Bronze Age. Anyway, when I was single I had no fear asking a guy out on a date. Let's see. I asked a guy out in the library. I asked another guy in a club. Really, I could on and on, but I don't want you to think I'm a hussy. (Am I too late?)

I lied. I don't care if you think I'm a hussy because I REALLY want to tell you about one particular date. When I was a freshman in college, a group of girls and I went to Chili's for dinner. Chili's - baby back ribs - Chili's baby back ribs - with barbeque sauce! Sorry. I digress. But who thinks about Chili's without thinking of their baby back ribs jingle? Back to the story.

After being seated by the hostess, our server came over to take our drink order. HELLO, GORGEOUS! Let me give you a visual. Romeo (that's what I'll call him because I can't remember his name - don't judge me) was about 6', well built but not overly muscle-y and with just the right amount of tan. He had dark hair and looked like he might have been Italian. He was beautiful. And charming. And his eyes... Sigh.

I was a bit distracted at dinner. We all were. We ate. We giggled about Romeo. Then we left. The end.

Actually, not the end. But I wish it were the end.

We did leave the restaurant but I hated myself for not asking him out. I talked about it and talked about it until the girls were sick of hearing it and told me to just do it. So I called Chili's to ask him out via phone (not cell phone because back in the Bronze Age they were expensive and about the size of shoe boxes). The hostess answered. I told her the situation and she went and put Romeo on the phone.

Me - "Hi, Romeo. I know you probably don't remember me, but you waited on a large group of girls tonight. I wanted to ask you out during dinner but chickened out. Kinda regret that. Anyway, I know this sounds crazy, but would you like to meet me in a well-lit public area?"
Romeo - "Wow. I am totally flattered. Sure."
Me - "Really?"
Romeo - "Sure. Let's meet back here at Chili's next Friday at seven?"
Me - "Great. Here's my number if you want to call me. See ya!"
Romeo - "See ya."
Me - YES!

His ease in saying yes should have been a hint. Really, what sane man would ever say yes to that? I asked him out like a crazy person. I know what you're thinking. My poor husband married a crazy person. I think so too.

Romeo called me a couple of days later and we had a great conversation. We talked for hours and I was really getting excited about our date. He went to another college across town and was just a couple of years older than me. He was funny and seemed really nice. Oh. And I also remembered something about him being stunning.

Friday rolled around. I fixed my hair for hours, then tried on 20 different outfits and labored over my makeup. Ready or not, Romeo, here I come.

I arrived at Chili's. 7:00 on the dot. My heart was pounding. What if he doesn't like me? What if I'm not his type? What if we don't really mesh face-to-face? I gathered my nerves and headed to the door. All of a sudden I hear someone call my name from behind me.

Romeo - "Vicky?"
Me - I turn around.
Romeo - "Hey, it's me. Romeo."
Me - "Um. Nice to meet you Romeo."

Oh. My. Gosh. Wrong guy. You read right. Romeo is THE WRONG GUY. Let me give you a visual. This guy was blonde and pale. He's cute. But he was not THE Romeo.

We went inside and the hostess was beaming at "Romeo." After we were seated the REAL Romeo came and took our drink order. ARGH! In my head I was thinking, "Hey! Real Romeo! You are the one that I want!"

I made polite banter with "Romeo" and begrudgingly continued on with the date, hiding my disappointment. To make things even more awkward, "Romeo" was pissed because Real Romeo flirted with me throughout dinner. "Hey! Real Romeo! You are the one that I want!"

FINALLY. Real Romeo gave "Romeo" the check and the torture was nearly over. Then "Romeo" laid a whammy on me.

"Romeo" - "Hey, Vicky. I have a question to ask you but I first have to tell you that I was not completely honest with you."
Me - Great. How can this night get any worse?
"Romeo" - "I lied about my age."
Me - Oh, no.
"Romeo" - "Um. Yeah. So I'm a senior in high school, not college. And I'm just 17. But I think we could still have a great time together."
Me - Silence.
"Romeo" - "So what I was wondering was if you would go to prom with me."

You know what? I was asking for it. The laws of nature say that if you ask someone out in a crazy way, something crazy will happen in return. And crazy it was. I mean, I was on a date with a minor. Who asked me to prom.

Me - "That's so sweet of you to ask, but I've already done the prom thing a few times and I really don't want to do it again."
"Romeo" - "Yeah, but it would be so fun and my friends will think you are so cool."
Me - "Really. Thanks but I think I'll pass." They won't think I'm cool. You just want them to think you're cool.
"Romeo" - "Well, just think about and let me know if you change your mind."
Me - "That's ok. I'm sure I don't want to go."

Needless to say, I didn't go out with "Romeo" again. And I could never step foot inside that Chili's, so I had to also say good bye to Real Romeo. You would think I would have learned my lesson from that, but I didn't. I went out with a few guys after that (by the way, they asked me out). But I eventually asked out another guy who happened to be my True Romeo. We dated for a number of years, then we got married. So I guess crazy people can find true love. Or maybe my husband is the real crazy one. All I know is that I lucked out.