This is an attraction that is featuring Dolly Parton, the amazing performer. Anybody featured on Hannah Montana episodes is amazing, so not a word.
The show is in an arena, much like you would experience a rodeo or competitive bull riding. The arena is the stage where all of the entertainment occurs, it’s just a dirt floor, no fancy gimmicks. You sit on fancy bleachers, which still make you butt feel flat, and you have bleacher-like tables in front of you. There are several sets that “rise” and “fall” from above the arena to accommodate the purpose of the performers. The theater, overall, has great light, sound, and theatrical effects that are very highly budgeted. It’s quite obvious that the technicians know their skill and are gifted. When I attended the show, it was the Christmas edition of the presentation, so I feel the douche-baggery was in full force.
The only part of the show that I saw that WASN’T excruciating was the pre-show out in the lobby. This featured a comic who was also an expert in juggling. He was entertaining, in fact, I would have enjoyed the show JUST being this dude. He made awkward fathers wearing fanny packs hold flaming torches for him, made fun of people who needed to be taunted, and made children squeal with glee. This man should have a show.
After going into the arena…everything changed.
Keep in mind this is what they call a “dinner attraction”. Yes, you actually eat at a rodeo. I’m probably one of the only people in the Ozarks who sees the flaw in this, but I’m sticking to my guns on this one. You are eating in an arena where animal manure is being flung into the air constantly, along with dirt, and the overall funk of the attendees. Eat up!
As if this wasn’t bad enough, I was a vegetarian at the time. The meal consisted of a WHOLE baked chicken, complete with bones and veins, a soup that was beef broth based and tasted like lard, a biscuit with sides of honey and butter, corn on the cob, and an apple crumbly pastry. Notice a trend here? Exactly, they are all finger foods. Oh, you’re too smart for that? Soup, you say? Yes, even soup is classified as a finger food at the Dixie Stampede. You literally drink your soup straight out of the cup. No utensils are provided for you, and when I inquired as to a spoon simply for the soup that I shouldn’t have, I was given a VERY dirty look and told that “that isn’t how we do things here”. Oh, and as for cleanliness? While eating your meal WITH YOUR HANDS, you are provided ONE napkin.
Trying to consume the food after acknowledging the atmosphere was pretty intense, especially knowing that I couldn’t consume the chicken or soup. They might provide a vegetarian alternative now, but I’m not sure. At the time they sure didn’t, though.
The show was basically a diet rodeo. The animals were wrangled and jumped on, rode on, etc. Personally, I hate this, and I don’t see it as “entertainment”, but I tried. The trick riding was actually cool, you had people doing elaborate stunts on horseback, and unfortunately since this was the one thing I enjoyed, there was maybe only 5 minutes of it.
The show is in an arena, much like you would experience a rodeo or competitive bull riding. The arena is the stage where all of the entertainment occurs, it’s just a dirt floor, no fancy gimmicks. You sit on fancy bleachers, which still make you butt feel flat, and you have bleacher-like tables in front of you. There are several sets that “rise” and “fall” from above the arena to accommodate the purpose of the performers. The theater, overall, has great light, sound, and theatrical effects that are very highly budgeted. It’s quite obvious that the technicians know their skill and are gifted. When I attended the show, it was the Christmas edition of the presentation, so I feel the douche-baggery was in full force.
The only part of the show that I saw that WASN’T excruciating was the pre-show out in the lobby. This featured a comic who was also an expert in juggling. He was entertaining, in fact, I would have enjoyed the show JUST being this dude. He made awkward fathers wearing fanny packs hold flaming torches for him, made fun of people who needed to be taunted, and made children squeal with glee. This man should have a show.
After going into the arena…everything changed.
Keep in mind this is what they call a “dinner attraction”. Yes, you actually eat at a rodeo. I’m probably one of the only people in the Ozarks who sees the flaw in this, but I’m sticking to my guns on this one. You are eating in an arena where animal manure is being flung into the air constantly, along with dirt, and the overall funk of the attendees. Eat up!
As if this wasn’t bad enough, I was a vegetarian at the time. The meal consisted of a WHOLE baked chicken, complete with bones and veins, a soup that was beef broth based and tasted like lard, a biscuit with sides of honey and butter, corn on the cob, and an apple crumbly pastry. Notice a trend here? Exactly, they are all finger foods. Oh, you’re too smart for that? Soup, you say? Yes, even soup is classified as a finger food at the Dixie Stampede. You literally drink your soup straight out of the cup. No utensils are provided for you, and when I inquired as to a spoon simply for the soup that I shouldn’t have, I was given a VERY dirty look and told that “that isn’t how we do things here”. Oh, and as for cleanliness? While eating your meal WITH YOUR HANDS, you are provided ONE napkin.
Trying to consume the food after acknowledging the atmosphere was pretty intense, especially knowing that I couldn’t consume the chicken or soup. They might provide a vegetarian alternative now, but I’m not sure. At the time they sure didn’t, though.
The show was basically a diet rodeo. The animals were wrangled and jumped on, rode on, etc. Personally, I hate this, and I don’t see it as “entertainment”, but I tried. The trick riding was actually cool, you had people doing elaborate stunts on horseback, and unfortunately since this was the one thing I enjoyed, there was maybe only 5 minutes of it.
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Aside from the trick riding, much to my dismay, there was a lot of Audience Participation. I hate this-primarily because I hate people. I hate tourists, and I hate how they act unaware in these situations. I’d rather see scripting than the average Joe in the fanny pack wearing his Hawaiian shirt trying to follow directions and failing miserably. I can see that anywhere and don’t have to pay out my butt for it. In total, audience participation, such as foot races, demonstrations with the animals, and contests took up HALF of the whole show. I hope that I’m not the only one who finds that obnoxious.
In between the trick riding and the horrible audience participation, you had the battle between the North and the South, to resemble the Civil War.
I am going to mention something right now: I saw no African Americans in the audience.
Everyone was handed flags for their side, and based on where your seat was, this is which side you fought for. To my dismay, I ended up on the South side of the battle. Apparently, I was envied, because those who were informed they were on the North groaned loudly when it was announced. Those who were on the South, with me being the exception, cheered wildly. Audience participation involved activities between the North and the South-once again, to my sheer horror, the South actually won. Thank God that everything didn’t actually turn out this way in our country’s history. Who knows how things would have turned out for the status quo.
After all of this terror, mixed randomly up in this were a bunch of musical numbers, complete with poor dancing, horrible singing, and lame acting. People spoke about Santa and the magic that he has, ice skaters did elaborate routines on a rink that lowered into the arena, and a general variety show took up a small portion of the entertainment. This alone would have been sufficient for me. Surpassing the rodeo and audience participation-isn’t this what a “dinner attraction” should actually be?
The funniest thing about the whole show was when they used video footage of the great Dolly Parton herself addressing the audience and providing feedback for the “reason for the season”. She was larger than life on the projection, and she was interacting with the actors on the arena floor. What might you believe is the best part of this? The actors had NO sense of timing. There were spots of this “activity” where Dolly would ask a question of one of the cast members, they would pause, then start to answer-and Dolly would speak over the person. Of course, this wasn’t intentional. The actor then seemed like a complete idiot. It’s honestly a silly idea to have a person on a projection “interact” with others in the first place, but people were lovin’ this like a side of fries at McDonald’s. I laughed so hard, I cried.
The other horrifying aspect and unifying factor for the entertainment value of Branson, would be the emphasis on Jesus. We had to watch multiple Nativity scenes, complete with cheesy acting, dancing, and singing once again. Crosses that were lit up so much that the Las Vegas strip would be jealous were lowered from the ceiling as people’s eyes streamed with tears. Earlier I mentioned the unifying factor of Branson entertainment being the country/gospel influence, and Christianity. This show, for me, was the ultimate symbol.
The worst part? Tickets were around 70 bucks. Luckily, that includes your crappy meal.
