Let’s say you’re barhopping…cruising for company…
- You look as cute as a button
- You surround yourself with a touch of mystery
- You sprinkle the conversation with a bit of innuendo
- Your facial expressions bedazzle everyone around you
- Your scent is intoxicating
- Your accent is “so charming”
- Your use of metaphors is enchanting
- You punch ‘em out with your puns
Boy are YOU going to GET FOUND!
- You’ll be placed on a pedestal
- Your audience is fighting over you
- You are number one!
What if you apply this flirting technique to writing for the web?
Welcome to “Wall Flower City!”
Why? Search robots ain’t salivating humans, that’s why.
- Writing for the internet is no beauty contest – nobody sees you
- Cute innuendo cleverly packaged in mysterious metaphors means absolutely nothing to search bots. They won’t get it! Period.
- You may wink at your reflection from the computer screen, but the only “broad” you’ll intoxicate with your cologne is the broad named “band”.
- ‘Bots and puns’ belong into the kitchen only.
So, if you’re selling gift boxes of chocolate mint wafers online, and you describe them with “silken sheets of sweet nothing…for a romantic evening at home…you’ll want to kiss the pink glow of surprise off her cheeks” – Google will send you visitors looking for edible underwear.
Don’t phrase your headline “Even A Princess Breaks Wind During High Seas” – when your article tells us about mutual fears among rich or poor folks. You’ll see a high bounce rate from people looking for fart jokes and/or planning their next Alaska cruise.
Case in point: Over at SquidLog.com, I once wrote a post about fearless marketing. I called it “Fearless Marketing 101 – Lessons From The Nudist Colony”. Guess which search term brings a ton of traffic to this post, with a bounce rate of 100 percent?
No, it’s not “marketing”. (And I did this on purpose. For fun. )
Remember Data from “Star Trek”? Impressive computational capabilities but unable to understand human behavior and emotions. Write for him!
This doesn’t mean you can’t weave a story through “rain like knitting needles” or “pillowy puffs of white smoke in celestial seas…”
For efficient Online Writing, though – take care of the dumbots first! Tell them what your story is all about – in titles, subtitles and body of text. Make sure they know the straight dope of your message.
After that, go dopey as hell. We like that.
Image courtesy of ndbutter. Thank you.
This post first appeared on Chef Keem | Bavarian Chef And Online Marketing Con, please read the originial post: here
