Over five Years Ago, actually on my birthday in 2013, Dave (I fucked a dead pigs face) Cameron, promised a referendum on our membership of the EU. This was a blatant ploy to cosy up to the Tory Eurosceptics, and steal back tory turncoat voters, who were looking at Nigel Farage like he was a modern day Enoch Powell. You have to say, it worked, he won his election, he finished Ukip with the same gusto he showed when he put his flaccid penis in the decapitated head of a pig, during his initiation into the Piers Gaveston society.

But then, with the growing list of lies and scaremongering, his plan started to crumble. emboldened by the far right’s propaganda campaign, and the willingness of the BBC to disproportionately push the leave agenda, the promotion of Farage to some kind of fucked up “leave” expert, and facebook lobby groups, Gove, Johnson, Mogg et al, found themselves in a winning position. After “leave” won, pretty much two years ago, Dave finally saw the extent of his clusterfuck, and resigned.

The Tories needed a patsy, someone not too bright and with absolutely no fucking morals whatsoever. Up stepped Mrs May, a vicar’s daughter with a degree in geography and a history of anti gay campaigning. A deeply racist home secretary under Cameron, she had showed her hatred of the poor, and her utter fucking contempt of minority groups… but she still wasn’t one of “them”, not a public school girl, went to a minor Oxford college, she can stand-in during the shit storm, and can be thrown to the Wolves after it’s all done. Ask yourself this… “If anyone else had presided over the recent fuck ups of illegal campaign funding, losing all the evidence of the Westminster paedophile ring, Grenfel, Windrush, funding cuts directly leading to deaths, DUP bungs, dodgy arms deals, etc etc… would they still be in a job?” The answer is a resounding No! She’s being protected and unchallenged from within until this job is done.

Thankfully, the mostly unreported fact, that the Lords have scuppered her “no deal” plan, has at least given us a hope of not ending up a complete fucking wasteland, unable to feed ourselves, no health care or education for all but the wealthy, and every single public service sold off. Although, all that is still on the cards, even with a deal.

Trumps visit in a few weeks will seal the fate of the NHS, with Yank insurance companies telling you whether you can live or die…. Spreadsheet says “no”. The terms and conditions you accepted in our joining email clearly state that you cannot smoke/not at your ideal weight/drink too much/genetic profile suggests your death at 60, you’re 57, so to protect our investment we are now withholding care… Thank you for your call… is there anything else I can help you with today? Y’all have a nice day!

We are now 329 days from our Exit, and with an avalanche of exits on the cards if we get anything resembling a “deal”, do you really think Junker and Barnier are going to give us anything? We’re getting less than fuck all, we’re getting punished for being fucking morons. The Daily Mail actually complained last week, that after Brexit we’re going to have to pay for a visa to travel to the other 27 countries. There seems to be a collective denial of the true horror of our situation. A successful exit for us will mean the end of the union, and there’s too much at stake for that.

So, when the foreign investor’s shareholders see that it cost too much to do anything here, when import and export costs rise and rise, forcing businesses to the wall, prices to increase while wages stagnate, public services decimated, crime to rise, the death of the NHS… do you think any of the millionaire cabinet ministers, who are currently in charge of our exit, will give much of a fuck? I’m pretty sure they’ll retire to the Caribbean, after all…. It’s where all their money is.

What will be left for us? Food rotting in the fields, unpicked. Rubbish piling up in the streets, uncollected. Crimes ignored by a decimated police force. Children, uneducated by a decimated school system. You better learn how to cook rat, and if you have a garden, you had better start growing some veg. I’ve eaten pigeon, it’s pretty good, and if you catch them outside greggs they might even taste like a steak bake. Insects are a real option, and we could always make Protein Bars out of the dead. It’s like a pension system, you eat the protein bars, and then when you are euthanised by the state when you’re no longer productive, you get made into bars and eaten.

Soylent green was a prescient documentary.

I for one welcome Greggs as our new overlords.

Greggs is people.