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Three’s a crowd pleaser

My Dear, kind Husband is turning 40 soon.  I want to ensure he is sufficiently spoiled this birthday. It’s the big 40 and he deserves a little something special.

My budget as the resident house bitch is pretty piss poor and the thought of purchasing husband a Gift using his own money seems a bit 1953,  and, of course, I considered actually getting my own job.Of course I did. But I feel my loins are only just recovering from birthing two barbaric spawns, and it takes me at least 7 hours a week to mentally prepare myself to do housework  and then another hour a week to physically do the housework and my dogs require day time company and chats.   Thus I am forced to rule it out. I am aware of the first world complexity of this problem.

And so after many days of pondering upon what the perfect gift for a man turning 40 would be, it came to me like a big, large, thick, bolt of awesomeness. A Threesome!
Yes, a threesome is perfect. ladies, its the only gift to give the husband who has it all! Its free! you will benefit too! A gift he will actually want. Its a fool proof plan girls.

As I probed deeper (see what I did there?) into my planning it soon became evident to me that finding a young strapping black man in the suburban streets of Waikanae Beach may be a smidge tougher than I had fantisized. ahem. imagined. I am also not altogether confident this demographic is husbands prefered cup of black tea, and not wanting to be selfish, I moved onto thinking a female specimen may work best here.  Now then, where does one find a willing participant of this nature, friends? A lady of the night just seems a little out of our sexual exploration boundaries and a bit pricey too. So a regular Jane, if you will, is going to be my best bet.
How does one do such things these days? Do I write a newspaper column. “Wife of slightly above average looking middle aged man seeks slighty above average looking woman for a suprise adult sexy time?” Or is there a Tinder equivalent for these escapades? Is THRinder a thing yet?  The only thing left to try is this:  Are you a friend or aquatence of mine?  Or are you reading this on the mums group I posted it on under the ruse of a funny blog? do you enjoy long baths and some soft lady porn? Are you pretty good looking but not too good looking? Do you have no religeous compass that will deem this a work of satan himself? Do you like penises but also boobies? if this sounds like you then, get in touch.  Literally.

*Edited to add. this is a joke. or is it? im pretty sure it is though. maybe.




This post first appeared on Z Type Mom, please read the originial post: here

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Three’s a crowd pleaser

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