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Fart Jokes

Here is the funniest about Fart jokes, or flatulence humour. Enjoy them on Jokesful.

Fart jokes

Q: What is a fart?

A: A turd honking for clearance.


Q: Why did the fart cross the road?

A: It was stuck in the chicken’s pants.


Q: What’s the definition of surprise?

A: A fart with a lump in it.


Q: What do you call a person that doesn’t fart in public? A: a PRIVATE TUTOR.


Q: What’s more fun than a Canadian Microwave? A: A dutch oven


Q: What’s the definition of bravery? A: a man with diarrhea chancing a fart!


Q: Why don’t farts graduate from high school? A: Because they always end up getting expelled!


Q: What’s the difference between Mozart and Mr. Methane? A: One is music to your ear; the other is music from his rear.


A man and his Wife went to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the man let a total ripping fart go.

The wife rolled over and growled, “What the heck was that?”

Martin said, “TOUCHDOWN. I’m ahead, 7 to nothing!”

A few minutes later the wife let a fly-killing zinger go.

Martin gasped, “What was that?”

She replied, “Touchdown. Tie score.”

Martin lay quietly in bed for 5 minutes, trying to work up a really big one. Before he knew it, something happened – he pushed so hard he crapped the bed.

The wife asked, “What in the world was that?”

He replied, “Halftime – time to switch sides.”


Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart.

One of the students said to his friend: “I’m sure he has Vborny Syndrome – those people walk just like that.”

The other student replied: “No, I don’t think so. The old man surely has Kamawantovitz Syndrome, he walks just like we learned in class.”

Since they couldn’t agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one student said to him: “We’re medical students and couldn’t ignore the way you walk, but we couldn’t agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?”

The old man answered: “I’ll tell you, but first you’ll tell me what you think.”

The first student said: “I think it’s Vborny Syndrome.”

The old man replied: “You thought, but you’re wrong.”

Then the other student tried: “I think you have Kamawantovitz Syndrome.”

Again the old man replied: “You thought, but you’re wrong.”

So they asked him: “So, what do you have?”

Martin cracked a wry smile: “I thought I needed to fart. I thought, but was wrong.”


Q: What do you get if you eat refried beans and onions? A: Tear Gas.


Q: Why do horses like to fart when they buck? A: Because they can’t achieve full horse power without gas.


Q: What do surfers worry about? A: A shart attack.


Q: What did the burp say to the other burp? A: Let’s be naughty and go out the other end!


Q: What do you call “fart” in German? A: Farfrompoopin!


Q: What did one butthole say to the other? A: Let’s get the ffffaaarrrtt out of here!


Q: What is it called when Queen of England farts? A: A noble gas.


Q: What does it mean to ‘cupcake’ someone? A: Fart in your hand and put you hand in someone’s face


Q: What’s the difference between a museum and a Mr. Methane act? A: One has artifacts; the other does farty acts.


Old Lady:

An old lady got on an elevator in a very lavish building,when a young woman gets on smelling of perfume. The woman turns to the old woman and arrogantly says “Romance by Ralph Lauren $150.00 an ounce!” Then another young woman gets on the elevator and also very arrogantly says “Chanel#5 $200.00 an ounce!” About 3 floors later,the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator, but before she leaves,she looks at both women in the eye,bends over Farts and says “Broccoli 49 cents a pound!”


Pilots:

There was a Mexican, a American and a Japanese pilot. They were taking turns flying over each of ther countries so they were flying over Kapan and the Japanese guy drops an apple on his country and the other two ask why he did that and he said “Because I love my country!” So they went on to Mexico and the Mexican drops an orange on his country so the other two asked why he did that and he said “Because I love my country” So they went on to America and the American drops a bomb on his country so the other two asked him why he did that and he said “Because I hate my country” So they landed in their respective countries and the Japanese guy was walking and he saw a kid crying so he said whats the matter and the kid said an apple fell out of the sky and hit me in the head. Then the Mexican was walking and he saw a kid crying so he asked what happened and the kid said an orange fell out of the sky and hit him in the head. Then the American was walking and he saw a kid laughing and he ask what are you so happy about and he said “I farted and the building behind me exploded”.


Martin was working hard all day digging the garden and felt very stiff and sore.

His wife fluttered about him, pleased with the amount of work he had done and anxious to get him to do some more.

“Have a nice soak in the bath and I’ll bring you a drink,” she suggested smiling.

“Good idea,” says Martin, looking forward to being waited on.

He was in the bathtub when she came in with a nice glass of juice, which he accepted gladly.

“If there’s anything else you’d like, just call,” said the wife as she left the bathroom.

When she got halfway up the stairs, Martin relaxed completely and let off an enormous long fart in the bathwater.

A few minutes later, despite it being a very warm Summer’s evening, the wife came in with a confused look and an object in her hands.

“What he heck is that for?” Martin asked, bewildered.

“Oh Darling,” said the wife, flustered, “I thought I heard you say, ‘Whataboutahottawaterbottle!’”

Enjoyed these fart jokes? Check also:

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The post Fart Jokes appeared first on Jokesful.



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