Communication

is important in managing relationships and managing anger. Consider your communication with another person like a 5 car train. The engine represents the problem being addressed. The first car is one person expressing his/her feelings, thoughts, perceptions, wishes. The second car is the other person reflecting/repeating only what the first car contained. Until the first person says the understanding is correct, the communication stays here. Once there is agreement in understanding, the third car represents the second person expressing his/her feelings, thoughts, perceptions, wishes. The fourth car is the first person reflecting/repeating only what was heard in the third car. Once there is agreement and both persons understand each other, then the caboose is the finalization of how they agree to handle the problem. This is Active Listening Skills at it’s basic level.

Here are some tools to use when communicating:

TAKE TURNS

GIVE INFORMATION AND COMMNICATE WITH “I” STATEMENTS

LISTEN TO INFORMATION GIVEN IN RETURN

FIND A COMMON GROUND TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM

FOCUS ON THE PRESENT AND THE FUTURE WITHOUT REFERENCE TO PAST EVENTS

TAKE BREAKS WHEN GETTING TOO UPSET AND PROMISE TO RETURN TO THE CONVERSATION AT A SET TIME IN THE FUTURE

APOLOGIZE IF YOU GET UPSET AND VIOLATE THE RULES AND TRY TO BACK-UP

AVOID NAME-CALLING

AVOID BEING JUDGMENTAL

AVOID MAKING FACES, ROLLING EYES, LAUGHING AT THE OTHER PERSON