“The course of true love never did run smooth.” So wrote William Shakespeare in “A Midsummer Night’s Dream.” No one can be certain exactly what type of obstacles the Bard was referencing here, but one very real stumbling stone for couples in long-term intimate relationships — marriage or otherwise — is often encountered in the bedroom.

No matter how deep and abiding a couple’s love for one another may be, sex over time can become routine and far less exciting than it was when both partners were caught up in the passion of new love. Too much of that “same old, same old” wears thin after a few years, and couples looking to keep the spark of love alive should seek out new and different ways to express their love and physical desire for each other.

In an article posted at YourTango.com, Mary Jo Rapini, a Houston-based psychotherapist who specializes in intimacy/sex counseling, offers some useful tips for keeping the sexual spark alive in long-term relationships, including marriage. The foundation for great sex, she writes, is understanding your partner.

Rapini points out that men and women should be aware of some of the essential differences in each gender’s attitude and approach toward sex. “For women, the more secure and comfortable they are with their partner, the more unconventional and open to new things they will be,” she writes. “This affects their partner and is what makes their partner love sex with them.”

Men, on the other hand, have a much greater need for visual variety than their female partners, according to Rapini. Keeping this in mind and acting on it can help women find different ways to keep their men excited and passionate about sex.

From Rapini and a couple of others who’ve devoted much of their lives to illuminating the mysteries of sex and relationships come these general observations and tips that could help couples to maintain the love, respect, and passion in their sex lives:

1. Your Brain Is Your Largest Sex Organ

Feeling good about sex starts in the brain. If your brain is already caught up in a pattern of anxiety and/or anger with your partner, it’s best to wait until those matters are resolved before pursuing love-making. No matter how hard you try to conceal those competing emotions, your partner will detect them, and sexual magic is unlikely to occur.

2. Play Together to Stay Together

Discovering — and doing — activities that your partner and you both enjoy can make life together much more enjoyable while also strengthening your relationship. And if your partner longs for an activity that you’re not so keen about, or vice-versa, take the leap and give it a try. Psychologist Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., dubbed the “marriage whisperer” by Oprah Winfrey, says that “marriage counselors would be out of business if more people understood how essential it is simply to spend time together.”

3. Buttress Your Self-Esteem — and Your Partner’s

There are many things about your body that you’ll never really be able to change, no matter how hard you try. Rapini suggests that you embrace yourself as you are — a skill that men generally tend to do better than women. If you can’t attain that perfect dress size, focus on the beauty and sensuality of your curves and hips rather than wasting time wishing for a body you can never have. While men may be quicker to embrace their flaws than women, they too can use some positive reinforcement, particularly about areas of their bodies that are less than perfect.

4. Sex Can Be Fulfilling without Intercourse

In an article posted at AARP.com, Michael Castleman, who has written extensively about sex and relationships, points out that sex need not end when sexual intercourse is no longer possible, for whatever reason. He writes, “Sex without intercourse means taking new paths to mutual pleasure. The footing may be unfamiliar at first, but hasn’t novelty always been the key to sexual zing?” Loving caresses, oral sex, and play with sex toys are just a few of the alternatives to intercourse that can satisfy both partners, says Castleman.

5. Fantasy Can Spice Up Your Sex Life

“The more you think about sex,” writes Rapini, “the more you will want it, so be sure to take time to think about it. Read romance novels, listen to music, and watch movies.” However, she warns couples against sharing the details of their fantasies unless those fantasies involve their partners.

6. Don’t Overlook the Importance of Foreplay

Rapini takes a very expansive view of foreplay, suggesting that “healthy marriage foreplay starts first thing in the morning and lasts all day.” To keep foreplay going strong, she suggests that partners stay connected throughout the day with a text or quick phone call. Intercourse is only one small part of sex, she writes. “There are so many ways to be intimate in your marriage, so why get hung up on only one?”

7. Emotional Closeness Is What Really Counts

Far too many intimate couples gauge the success of their relationships by the frequency of sexual activity. Psychologist Hendrix contends that these folks all too often equate physical closeness with emotional closeness. “Sex makes you feel connected, but if you’re not emotionally intimate, that connection is short lived.”

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