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The Real Truth About Happiness and Stability with Bipolar Disorder

While constant life changes may feel like a way to find stability and happiness, ultimately these achievements come from within and following a treatment plan.

Finding Stability with a diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder can be quite an undertaking to say the least. Stability for me has been very elusive, and only recently have I even dared to usher this word.

Constant swings into Depression and mania have left me wondering, What am I missing that everyone seems to have figured out? What part of this life don’t I understand? I have felt like the ground has been moving underneath me, sometimes earthquake style, ever since I started to experience bipolar disorder symptoms.

Constant Changes

Looking back over the years, I see I was always searching outside of myself for stability, happiness, and depression-free living. I believed change was the answer…that changing apartments, relationships, jobs, and even changing cities would help me find this stability.

My longest relationship or commitment to anything or anybody, besides my family who has always stuck by me, has been with my dogs. I proudly have raised two dogs, a 12 year-old peek-a-poo and 10 year-old shih-poo, without fail. Even in my darkest depressions and most hopeless moments, I have thought of them.

On the top of my list of reasons to live have been my dogs (along with my family of course!) But other than that, I have searched. I have searched long and hard in many different apartments, jobs, relationships, and cities. My false belief was that “the next thing” would bring me happiness and stability—life without the ups and downs of bipolar. And I have been sorely disappointed every time.

Realizing What Works

It has been only been very recently that I have noticed this pattern and discovered my methods are not working. Only when I had lost most of my material items did I come to find stability and freedom from depression. And oh, how wonderful it feels!

I have found stability through daily routine, sleep schedules, meditation, yoga, continuous medication management, therapy, and yes, staying put for a minute—not running at the first sign of trouble.

The True Source of Happiness

Another thing I am learning is how to deal with the normal ups and downs of life without panicking that this is another mania or depression setting in. My current state of depression-free living has not come without its share of lows. I am just learning the difference between normal life lows and the soul-crushing lows of depression.

I feel like I have had an epiphany—That happiness and stability I have been so desperately searching for these two decades is indeed, coming from within me. Not a new apartment. Not a new job. Not a new relationship. Within me. Myself.

It seems quite obvious and silly that this has taken me nearly twenty years to realize, but it’s never too late, right?

I am learning new things about myself that I never knew existed. For example, without the darkness of depression, I really am a hopeful person. And I have a thing for cleanliness! My depression led me to believe I was a sloppy, disorganized, messy person. But without depression, I am none of those things! I am organized, clean and dependable. It’s like I’m learning who I am again given this window of living without the symptoms of depression.

It seems like I still hover over the panic button, and still need to relax a bit on this. But I am learning what stability looks like for myself.

I know I have bipolar disorder, and things will not always be this good. But I need to remember this feeling of stability, happiness, and what freedom from depression can feel like. And I want to remember this feeling when the waves of depression hit me once again, and my world is rocked by another episode.

I am feeling more and more confident in realizing the waves are impermanent, not without their despair or darkness, but indeed impermanent. I am slowly building up my hopefulness that can be dimmed and stomped on in my darkest of days.

I am learning that stability is possible, even with the terrifying diagnosis bipolar has brought me. Stability is possible, attainable, I just need to remember that. At least that is what I am proving to myself daily, one day at a time. For that is really all we have.

Learn more:
3 Secret Symptoms of Bipolar Disorder
4 Tough Truths of Managing Bipolar Disorder That Will Change Your Life

The post The Real Truth About Happiness and Stability with Bipolar Disorder appeared first on bpHope.



This post first appeared on Mania Bipolar Disorder - Bphope, please read the originial post: here

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