Attention! At ease, ladies and gentlemen. So, you’re thinking about dating someone who is in the military? If you’re not in the Military yourself, you probably have a lot of questions that you want to get answered before you dive too deep into the relationship. What we hope to do today is to answer as many of those questions as possible.

Here’s what you can expect. Do not expect us to sugar coat anything or give you the answers that you want to hear. If we did that, we’d be doing you a disservice. What you can expect instead are the real answers to your questions. With that information, you can make an informed decision about whether or not dating this person is something that you are up to.

Will I have to be away from my soldier for extended periods of time?

Yes. Members of the armed forces are regularly away from their families for extended periods of time. This does not just mean deployments (which are now usually 9 months in length, instead of a year). This includes training and anything else that they may be called to do throughout their career. This applies to active duty, reserves, and the guard.

You should expect to spend significant chunks of time away from your Soldier during your relationship. If you have issues being alone or issues with trust, you may want to give this some serious thought. It’s easier to make a tough decision now than end up deep in a relationship where you have to make an even tougher decision. Your soldier will be counting on you while they are away and if you don’t think you can hold up your end of the bargain, get out now.

Will I be able to talk to them while they are away?

It really depends on where they are. If they’re doing initial entry training (like boot camp), probably not. If they are doing some continuing education course, you may be able to talk to them sporadically throughout the process. It’s going to be on a case by case basis with what they are doing. If they are deployed, it’s going to depend on whether or not it is a Combat deployment and where the deployment is.

Some deployments that used to have no contact have been built up pretty nicely now where you can expect to have regular communication through phone and Skype. The longer we have been somewhere, usually the better the lines of communication they have in place. Remember, though, the mission always comes first, so you need to be prepared for limited or no communication.

Are there any benefits that come with dating someone in the military?

There definitely are some nice benefits that come with being in a relationship with someone in the military. First, soldiers are required to stay in shape, so you don’t have to worry about your significant other becoming round during your relationship. Second, if you do end up marrying them, there are some great benefits that spouses get including insanely cheap insurance (Tricare), access to the Veteran’s home loan, and a whole lot of other resources to help you get through the great and the tough times of military life.

Is there job dangerous? What if they aren’t in a combat role?

Yes. Being in the military is a dangerous profession. If they are in a combat role, there is a real possibility that they could see some fighting. Even if they don’t see combat, the training is rigorous and can take a toll on their mental and physical stability. These are unfortunately things that come with the territory and the reason that members of the armed forces are so highly regarded.

Even if your soldier is not assigned to a combat role, they are a soldier first. At any point and time, they could be called to serve in a combat role if the nation needs them. It’s much less likely If they hold a back home support role type job, but it’s still very possible. It’s something that you need to be prepared for no matter what job they hold in the military.

The Final Word

Obviously, there is quite a bit that you need to be aware of when dating or getting serious with someone who is in the military. Their commitment to their country is always going to have to come first no matter what they feel. Realize that by partnering with them, though, you are helping to share some of that burden and are in a roundabout way serving yourself. The support system for a soldier is extremely important to their survival and prosperity within the military and civilian life.

All we ask is that you have the respect for your soldier and make sure that if you make a commitment to them, you know what you’re getting yourself into. If you don’t think you can handle it, let them know before things get too serious where people get hurt.