I pride myself on being organised, being in control and being independent. But there are things in life we all avoid, put off, procrastinate etc. purely because either we aren’t proud of them or it just isn’t nice to deal with and is easier to ignore.

For me that comes in the form of debt. It’s not easy to ignore though.

When I was 19 I brought a House with the first ever guy I fell in love with, it seemed like a good investment we both had pretty bright futures ahead of us and could afford to so why the hell not?

Here’s why not; fast forward three years and I am moving out of said house while that guy is sitting in a cell for domestic violence towards me. Fast forward six months and I am desperately trying to scrape together money to cover the arrears of that house because that guy who had said in writing to my lawyer that he would take over full payment of the Mortgage until he could afford to get my name of the mortgage and property title just stopped paying the mortgage. I withdrew my kiwisaver (our equivalent of 401k I guess) I spent two weeks with pericarditis during my uni holidays scrubbing the house clean with my mother because the guy hadn’t done a thing since I moved out. I begged to the bank to hold off just a little bit longer, I put the house up for rent… I had one person look through it.

Eventually I put the house up for sale before the bank could, it sold but it sold for less than what was owing on the mortgage. Here comes the fun part. There was approximately $80,000 left owing on the mortgage, the bank knew my financial situation, knew that my ex could not contact me at all due to the domestic violence charges. A  month after the house sells I receive a statement from the bank outlining the sale, what was owing and then there is a single transaction entitled Write- Off and it is the remaining amount leaving the account as $0.00. I couldn’t believe it and well didn’t I saw my lawyer and he was like well as far as he could see the debt had been wiped. Fast forward two more years, noting in this time I had not received any communication from anyone regarding the mortgage, my contact details had not changed, my parents address had not changed. I get a phone call soon after I had just moved out of my then partners house, shortly before I decided antidepressants were a good idea; its a receivables company demanding I start paying them the $80,000 I jointly owe to Housing New Zealand. Turns out Housing New Zealand had secured the mortgage with the bank and when the house sold the remaining amount was transferred to Housing New Zealand so the bank hadn’t written off the debt they had simply passed it on without telling me and without passing on my contact details so the only address Housing New Zealand had for me was the address of the house that sold.

Fast forward to now. I’ve been slowly paying off this debt, I managed whilst pregnant to get them to split it so I am not liable for my exes half if he decides to do a runner or something like that. Lately I’ve been slack, things have been tight financially, I’ve been unwell, the cars broken down, my partners hours changed so I can’t work as much. Lots of reasons for it. Any way I get an email yesterday while I was doing a clearing abundance blocks meditation (the irony I know) saying I have three days to pay the arrears or I will be taken to court and required to pay the whole $37K that is still owing in one singular payment. At first I laughed, then I cried, then I sent a series of emotive replies that went along the lines of ” go for it, you won’t get anything as I have absolutely no money and no income, I’ll declare myself bankrupt and you won’t get a cent”. I got a response I wasn’t expecting, they put my account on hold for a month, meaning I have a month to get my shit (excuse the language) together or I’ll be going bankrupt.

What does this mean?

Well I have a month to raise approximately $1k (only $90 is the arrears for the mortgage) if I fail at doing so I will be declaring myself bankrupt, unable to leave the country for 7 years and unable to run a business for 7 years which means I will no longer be able to do my art.

So why am I posting all this personal financial stuff here, well to hold myself accountable for one. Also to explain the irony of this situation.

I’ve been reading about abundance blocks lately and really they are just things in your life that you may or may not know are there that stop you from succeeding, stop you from moving forward. With all this happening I have realised I have made some pretty bad financial decisions in my life so far and those decisions have held me back a lot. The fact that this just happened to come up while I was meditating trying to clear blocks shows to me that in fact my own ignorance towards my own financial situation is in fact my block. I have spent a lot of time just ignoring it, but its always there. Whenever something good happens it seems to pop its head up and go “HEY, I’m still here”. So where am I going with this?  Well if you feel you are working really hard, trying so hard but not getting anywhere Stop! think about it what is it that you have quite dealt with, what is it that is weighing you down or dragging you back, I can 100% guarantee there is something unresolved. Deal with it now, give that to yourself.

One month $1000, that is 20 drawings at $50. Here’s hoping someone buys them.

Take a look at my facebook page http://www.facebook.com/marisarthompson for my drawings or follow me on instagram @marisarthompson