I know a lot of folks are going to disagree with me on this but I am taking a clue from the sub-title of a movie I saw back in the 60's. " Doctor Strangelove" became a cult classic of the day mainly because it dealt with the paranoia surrounding the arms race between us and the USSR. The sub-title "OR How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to LOVE the Bomb,"is mainly relevant today if we substitute the word Bribe for the word BOMB.

Follow me here. In the late 1950's and early 1960's we could have cared less if our politicians were corrupt as long as they kept our cities from melting during a 100 Megaton H-bomb attack. Thankfully neither side saw much value in capturing resources that couldn't be utilized for hundreds of years so the BOMB and the whole nuclear holocaust thing faded. Jump to 2010.

Today we face real threats from a myriad of areas. Some might say a nation at war should be led by men and women of character. Some believe that our politicians should have resumes that would qualify them to work at a convenience store or at least be able to pass a background check to work at Wendy's. Some would have them take an oath of office and intend to honor it. I say FORGET THAT!

In this rolling thunderous high tech Century we need leaders so corrupt they can't trust themselves, let alone anybody else. We need fast talking shuck and jive masters who can justify anything for any reason and reverse themselves with opaque precision and who don't give a damn about anything except their agenda. Above all they should ignore the will of the people and employ ghost writers so their book comes out prior to the next election (just in case). Bravo, we have just such people and now comes the final stroke.

To aid the best this nation has to offer, to accomodate the complexity of this new and challenging global initiative we must have a new Czar. We already have Czars to regulate everything from the air we breathe to the effluence we excrete. To complete the circle we must have a Czar with the power to regulate the most popularly embraced tool of the modern politician. In keeping with the forward thrust of our new national imperatives we must create a Bribe Czar.

Think of it, America, no longer will our overworked and undercomped role models have to carry those ungainly paper bags to the back rooms of fund raisers. Fraud will disappear as fast as a credit card at a cocktail party. The Bribe Czar will post the latest bribe on line (a private line of course) and in the end our top bribees will never have to leave recess. A win-win situation all around.