It's only May but already people are talking to me about diakopes (vacations) for the summer. As always in these conversations, it seems mandatory that everyone will share at least one vacation horror story in the effort to dissuade another person from visiting a particular location to prevent them from wasting their money and time while another person who claims to be an authority on the locale will refute that person's claims of bad service, overpriced lodging and substandard substandard local cuisine. It's a rare thing when everyone in the discussion will agree on a particular place as worthy of a visit.

For instance, a friend of ours had always tried to convince people to visit the island of Kefalonia since his family was from there and therefore, not a year goes by that he doesn't spend at least a week on the island in the family's summer home. 4 years ago, we decided to see what all the fuss was about especially since I had read the book Captain Corelli's Mandolin. Although it's a beautiful island, and bougainvillea decorated just about every stone wall and terrace, I can't say I enjoyed myself. No matter where we ate or what time it was, when it came time to order, half of what the menu offered was not available so we would spend at least a half an hour trying to find substitutes that we could eat. After the third day, we became so accustomed to not getting what we ordered that we just told them to keep the menus and tell us what they actually had in the kitchen which, didn't amount to much more than a couple of pork chops, tzatziki, french fries and Greek horiatiki salads...all overpriced. A glass of milk cost me 5€ in the main square!

We had rented a nice little apartment with a great view of Argostoli but in the 10 days I was there, not once did they change the sheets or clean it. Twice I had asked the owners to change give us clean sheets and towels, and twice they dumped the linens in my hands and told me to do it myself. We complained to the Tourist Police and they told us that the owners could be fined for not adhering to the standards set out by the tourist board. When it came time to pay the bill, the owners were told to give us a discount or be fined by the Tourist Police.

The only thing that saved our vacation from being a total waste of time was the beautiful beaches and the Melissani Caves.

At least we didn't experience an earthquake there like we did while on vacation in Zakynthos and it wasn't so overrun by tourism that we could still order Greek food and buy Greek magazines which was next to impossible on Zakynthos.

My favourite island so far is Milos. It's still very Greek and has the best beaches I've ever seen. Santorini is also well worth the trip. It's everything you're lead to believe from travel brochures even if ordering seafood does cost you an arm and a leg.

Every island has its own character but if you can't find a decent place to sleep and are constantly being disturbed by noisy and drunken tourists on low-cost vacation deals, then your vacation can soon become a horror story.

When booking your dream vacation it's always best to do a bit of research and request some photos of the rooms of your prospective hotel from your travel agent. I can't tell you how many times we've paid for A class lodging only to find out that once we arrive, the A class designation was given to the hotel in decades ago by EOT (Greek Tourist Board) according to the standards of that time and was never reclassified because EOT never got around to it. So we ended up paying A class prices for a room without modern amenities like air conditioning or a fridge and the decor of a 1950s rural farmhouse.

Since most Greeks vacation in August, you can get better room rates if you go in June, July or September not to mention vacant beach chairs with a bit of space between you and the next person.

If only it were July now, I'd be on a beautiful Greek island beach instead of at my laptop blogging.