Summer!

I’ve been spending time with my friends and family last April (particularly Holy Week and the week before that) and I thought I’ll be able to go back to blogging once I got back from my vacation. Unfortunately, (Well, I wouldn’t call it unfortunate, because this summer became the turning point of my life. I’ll tell you why later. But I’ll leave it at that because it was quite unfortunate for my blog) all of the backlogs, all of the plans I had for this blog and my YouTube channel got shelved for a while because of my no. 2 reason

My new-found Faith

I don’t post personal stuff here in my blog and even if I do, I sometimes combine it with other beauty-related blog posts. But it’s not really news to at least some people that I’ve been through my share of personal struggles since last year. My dad died April last year and it’s been hard for me ever since. I was shaken to my core. I had no one to talk to. I was looking for my own sanctuary.

I had so many things on my mind, along with the stuff that’s going on in our home, I had some really dark thoughts back then. I was so confused. Then my co-worker/friend Kherr told me to go to Victory. She’s really not the type of person to give that type of advice, tbqh kase maloko ren yun kagaya ko. Then all of a sudden, I’m seeing how God’s working in her life, and I saw how faithful and spiritual she really is. That’s when I decided, maybe that’s what I need. I’ve been spending my days being angry with God and even that itself is tiring already. I want a new life. I want a new direction.

Without thinking twice, I followed her advice. I went to the nearest Victory Church near our area (Victory U-belt) and while I was singing along with their worship songs, I already caught myself sobbing from the third Song to the fifth. I’m already familiar, in fact, I’ve already memorized some of their worship songs, but until now, I still don’t know what songs they played during that time. But it’s not only their songs. Their interpretation of the bible, how the Pastor made everything so colorful and interesting. I was hooked immediately. I started joining their groups and I didn’t stop until I finally found one. And I’m glad I did, because they were the key people in changing my lifestyle.

My VG leader started my One 2 One (Discipleship) last February but because we’re both busy, our schedules just don’t match. We were able to fully commit to it last April, after Holy Week. We met 2-3 times a week, once/twice during weekdays and of course during Sundays for our VG meeting. This was one of the main reasons as to why I wasn’t able to go back to blogging right after my summer getaway. Right after Discipleship, was Victory Weekend (Water Baptism – 2nd photo). I could tell you more about this, really. But to keep the long story short, I’ve been busy with church and church activities. How am I? I couldn’t be anymore happier. Victory changed my life in so many ways but more than that, I thank God for surrounding me with people that finally lead me back to Him.

Work, work, work, work, WORK! 

I’m also busy with work, what else? Lol. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no model employee in fact, I’m a major procrastinator/slacker (not proud of it, but it’s true, lol). But this month, our bosses from the United States did their annual visit/meetup/SBS so I was out and about for quite some time. Also, for the past couple of weeks, I really don’t stay long in front of my laptop. Once my shift ends, that’s it, I just stay as far away from my laptop. Everything else, I do with my phone (Facebook, YouTube, Netflix, etc)

And finally —

It’s hard for me to admit this. Because I know that there might be some repercussions for what I’m about to say… but I just lost the drive, the passion to blog. There was this time when I was fixing my plugins when I saw how frequent I used to blog and how creative I was back in the day (circa 2013-2014). I’m not floating my own boat or anything, I’m just saying that I can see the passion and the enthusiasm overflowing in those reviews. Even though my brows weren’t on fleek, the blending was horrible, the quality of the photos were meh… but still, I want to be that girl again. I want to have that drive again.

Then I realized that I was no longer blogging because I want to blog. I realized that I’m blogging, just because. Because something’s new, because I was sent this or that, because I was invited here and there. OR because I want to gain more followers so that other brands will notice me. And soon enough, the essence was no longer there. My heart’s no longer in it. I even caught myself copying my older style of blogging (WTF?! Yes, WTF!) Please don’t get me wrong, I am and will forever be grateful to you loves and to the PR companies/brands who noticed my blog. But I realized that I’m no longer blogging because I love it. I’m blogging for the numbers. I lost touch of who I was way back when I started and I don’t like it anymore.

So I decided to take a breather for a while. I know it’s unfair for me to do another unannounced, indefinite, hiatus in my blog. But that’s the time when I was able to really gather my thoughts. I prayed for inspiration and possible direction of where I’m going with my blog. You see, I love my blog, and I love you. I don’t want to lose this. But I don’t want to post updates just because. I had to wait till I was ready.

So yeah, I’m back. And yes, I’m ready. Inspiration knocked. Twice. (Don’t ask, lol) But I don’t want to pressure myself anymore. Though I have a TON of backlogs, I’m not going to hold myself and promise 092840128 amount of blog posts/videos per week. I plan to enjoy my blog like I used to before. I plan on uploading more videos in my YouTube channel (Please subscribe!) and if time permits, update both this and YT like I used to before (like having a blog post aside from the video). But as for now, I plan on focusing more on my YouTube channel. But, again, no pressure. And don’t worry, I’m not letting go of my blog. I will still update this as often as I can. I just want to prioritize my channel because that’s always been in the backseat. Why not switch things up a little, right?

So again, I’m so, so, so, DEEPLY sorry for not being able to update, and also for not being true to who I am with you guys. Sorry If I have disappointed some of you. I understand that this post may further disappoint others, but if I’m going to be back, I have to be honest. I thank all of you who are still here from 2013 up to now. You have no idea how much I appreciate you, loves. Thank you to everyone (including PR companies/brands) who trusted my blog. I am back and I will continue to uphold the integrity of my blog (Naaks!!)

With this, I leave you with my current favorite Christian worship song. This song got me through my depression when my Dad died. And it’s also the song that I kept singing right after I was water baptized. Listen to it and may it bring solace to those who are hurting. Have a nice day, everyone!