D

Dear Ludacris,

We haven’t written a letter in a long time, and you’ve forced it out of us. Your stupidity has taken the hardly wealthy stunts to new lows that even resident Grade F models like Terrell Owens or Antoine Walker couldn’t even imagine! We’re aware that your kind likes to procreate haphazardly and then evade financial responsibility for your mistakes. Child Support isn’t about your feeling of fairness. The laws are in black and white, and they’re used to award the child the same lifestyle that you award yourself. So, if you don’t like it, you should have wrapped it up. Simple and point blank. Second, your co-worker Tyrese already one-upped you on the jerk meter by blaming his inability to pay child support (aka the “I’m gonna stick it to the mother of my child really good” tactic) on Paul Walker’s death.

You made sure to bundle your adversities to increase your chances of paying little for child support by offering the information that you only made $55,000 last year. Too bad there’s ample evidence stating just the contrary out there, some of which includes a mention about you on Forbes’ annual cash king list with $12million dollars in earnings for the year. I’m sure the judge will really appreciate you trying to make a fool out of them with such blatant lies. You mean to tell us that all of your diverse income that was profiled by Forbes in 2012 has dried up? Let’s refresh your memory:

He’s one of the most diversified artists on this year’s Hip-Hop Cash Kings list, ranking No. 10 with $12 million in earnings over the past year, pulling in cash from those Soul headphones, a cognac line called Conjure, voiceovers for RadioShack, music sales, roles in films including Fast Five and New Year’s Eve, and other ventures.

Let’s not forget that your girlfriend Eudoxie is constantly on Instagram posing in all her hardly wealthy glory with designer bags and boasting about trips on your private jet. You don’t know anything about that? Check these out:

So a man with all of this going on can only afford $1800 a month in child support? Yeah, sounds like a cry for help, but not one in your favor. You’re probably looking at 30X that monthly now if the judge wants to put you in your place for blatantly lying.

Things to think about instead of blaming dead co-workers and sunshine…

First of all, if you’re living paycheck to paycheck when your annual earnings gross the $12 million mark with cashflow from headphone, liquor, voiceover, and music royalties coming in, then which toilet are you tossing your money down, and how many times were you dropped on your head growing up? If money is tight, it’s time to leave women alone and remain chaste because you aren’t capable of the financial repercussions.

Money and ignorance are deadly. This isn’t your first trip to the rodeo, as you’ve already had to financially take care of your oldest daughter, who is now around 12 years of age. You only had a few more years left of child support, but that hope is gone, burned, and washed away. Good job there. Great ideas seem to be your specialty.

You need to pay that $15,000 a month, be a father to your new child, and go sit down somewhere. You’re doing more than $15,000 a month worth of damage to your brand by pulling all of these tasteless stunts. How many directors will want to sign on a lukewarm actor that will be quick to deflect blame onto fellow co-workers for the messes that they put themselves into? Most of all, you had better shape up before the day comes that you will be pulling in $55,000 a year. Oh, who are we kidding? That day is coming.

We sincerely hope Paul Walker’s ghost haunts you in your $4.8 million dollar Hollywood mansion and cusses you out over using him as a convenient excuse for your incompetency. Until then, you’ve been gilded into our Hall of Fame of Worst Grade F stunts ever pulled.

Come up with a better defense,

Minority Fortune

You Answer: Do you think Luda has a case in court to pay $1800 a month in court? If not, what do you think he should be paying?

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*Image courtesy of World News.