In every group of young Children, there is a reporter. The reporter runs to adults to tell what has happened. The report may or may not be accurate but it rarely matters. Telling the story isn’t really the point. Anyone who reads this blog regularly or has seen my talks knows one of my mantras – Every behavior is communication. The behavior of the reporter is a form of encrypted communication. The child is looking for something that he/she cannot state. Unfortunately, they usually don’t get that help. Instead, adults who probably were tattled on as children themselves find it offensive and annoying so they tend to bark, “Stop tattling!” and then they send the children right back into the situation.
After having worked with children for many years, I’ve come to the conclusion that often the attention the tattler seeks has to do with a social and/or emotional inability. Something has happened and the child simply doesn’t know what to do with the situation; nor is the child able to say, “This situation has made me uncomfortable so I need your help.” If we put our own happened-to-me-as-a-kid reactions aside, I believe we would see a child who is asking for our help.
Tattling is an opportunity. It is a chance for adults to teach critical thinking and problem solving skills. Just because the child is not able in that moment to say, “What should I do? Help me” doesn’t mean that we should not be helping. The next time a young child comes to you and says, “He did this!” or “She did that!” reply with questions that help children to reflect and organize their responses:
- Why do you think he/she did that?
- What should happen next?
- What can you do to feel better?
Like all responses to behavior, you need to be consistent with your tattler. Every time the child comes to you with a situational report, you need to ask your questions and help the child to problem solve. Eventually, the child will realize that you are not going to do all of the thinking and will integrate the critical thinking skills that you have taught.
For more information about behavior:
“The Secret to Understanding Behavior and the Magic Potion for Guiding It”
“All Behavior is Communication: What Are the Children Trying to Tell Us?”
“Discipline Without Name Calling: What to Say When Enforcing Rules”
“Teach the Whole Preschooler: Strategies for Nurturing Developing Minds,” my book, is available NOW from WW Norton (publisher) and is on pre-sale on Amazon, Barnes & Noble. In store/pre-sale orders will be shipped in the fall.
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