Sorry Kung antagal ko nag-post ng update for this "How-To Guide". Sadyang naging busy lang ang lola n'yo sa pag rampa sa

... (play 30 counts of a 1/16 beat-double-bass-pedal drum-roll) ...

JUNEAU, ALASKA!

Ang lamig dito I swear by my boxers! At summer ngayun ha! I-p-post ko Ang Mga rampa pix ko sa unang chapter ng CHRONICLES OF PEPITA.

Dito rin ang alis ko on June 3, da-dating ako d'yan ng June 5, 11:00 AM, flight 901 ng Cathay Pacific! I wish maabutan ko ang first "big" fashion show ni KIRK. O s'ya s'ya Padilla, eto na ang karugtong nung naudlot kong post last time ....

ANG SINING NG PAGHALIPAROT PART 1 (continued) :
ANG MGA URI NG BIKTIMA

6. Ang Baguhan

Lahat tayo ay nagsimula bilang mga baguhan sa larangan ng laro ng puso, ngunit ang mga BAGUHAN na tinutukoy ko ay kakaiba. Ang ganitong uri ng biktima ay Hindi yung mga talagang bobo at inosente sa mundong Kanyang ginagalawan. Ang "Baguhan" na tinutukoy rito eh yung mga taong may "vague idea" based solely on second hand experiences (e.g. books, stories from friends, t.v. shows, blog hopping, porn surfing, etc.). Sila yung mga excited sa mga bagay-bagay ukol sa larangan ng pag-ibig, pero medyo lurky sa idea na ma-experience ang mga nasasagap nilang chismis by themselves.

Tingin ng ibang mga tao sa kanila ay mga rekado sa cream puff dahil sa katamisan at kalinisan nila. Deep inside, nega to the heavens na sila sa image nila bilang "walang alam". I know it's a cliche to say this, but ... "curiosity really does kill the cat"! These kittens' innate bric-a-brac tungkol sa larangan ng puso at puson will be to their own demise.

In all fairness, you might think luring these "children" wouldn't be that difficult. WRONG! Getting their trust is uber difficult! Una sa lahat ng dapat mong tandaan, ang mga Baguhan are paranoid. Not like the real novices, these people already have an idea of the pitfalls kaya they tend to be more perceptive of deception. Pangalawa, although cautious sila, they are still attracted sa mga taong medyo childish and innocent like them, ngunit experienced sa mga bagay-bagay. Pangatlo, mas attracted sila kung may mababakasan din sa iyong kapilyuhan (the same dark force na pinipigilang sumingaw ng mga Moralista).

Tulad ni LORD BYRON, dapat ma-achieve mo ang isang imahe sa utak ng biktima mong Baguhan ... that you are like them, the only difference being ... you have already tasted the forbidden fruit which they long to pick from the serpent's tree.

Mas marami kang mapa-experience sa mga ito ay mas lalalim ang "majika" mong naitatanim sa puso niya. Panindigan mo na rin ang pagiging ika-apat na kasapi ng BOYOYONG - use colors and spectacles to dismiss the doubts of a newbie. If you use enough fireworks, his defenses will fall down in perfect synchrony with his clothes. Dapat mo ring tandaan na minumulat mo ang biktima mong baguhan, hindi lamang sa larangan ng Kamasutra, kundi sa mga bagong idea, experience, at mundo (literal at metaporikal). Use these to introduce him to the world he longs to tread on.

One word of caution though, some people feign their innocence. Based on experience, playing the "sweet & naive" card holds so much power over older people, both at work and in love. Though these people are a bit more experienced than the purer Baguhans, they still remain trully naive (because a jaded person can NEVER SUCCESSFULLY feign innocence, they'll just end up looking like retards in doing so). The same tactics mentioned in handling their purer version will still be effective, but breaking through their shell would be a tad bit more difficult. Persistency would be the key to open their chastity belts.

Even if your pseudo-relationship ends-up in a big dramatic scene when he finds out that you are nothing but a player, in the end, you'll forever be in the Baguhan's heart as the one who taught him everything. As one mushy song goes ... "First Love Never Dies".

7. Ang Mananakop

Ang mga Mananakop ang isa sa mga uri ng biktimang mahirap ma-detect. Why? Different people use different tactics to conquer others and curb circumstances to their own benefit. A person can be aggressive and shout his lungs out like Regine Velasquez on her 2nd high octave, or he may use hushed sweetness and coquetry to trick people into doing his biddings ... different tactics but same result.

Kung hindi mo pala makikita sa panlabas na anyo kung ang isang tao ay Mananakop, papaano mo sila masisilat sa dagat ng sangkatauhan?

Suriin mong maigi Ang Kanyang pamamaraan ng pakikitungo sa trabaho at sa kanyang personal na mga relasyon. Kapag nagawa mo ito, mapapansin mong:

• Hindi kasama sa kanilang leksika ang salitang "defeat".


• Takaw sila sa kapangyarihan at kahit na ano ay kaya nilang gawin para makamtan ito.


• They are always in full control of their emotions except when they are defeated or when they can't get what they want. Though not suffering from bi-polar disorder (as I am), these people will go into a berserker outburst when frustrated, then suddenly simmer down as they find another way to acquire what they want.

Tandaan mo din na hindi lang puro mga lalake ang mananakop! Andyan sina Lou Andre-Salome, Natalie Barney, Margareth Thatcher at Miriam Defensor-Santiago. The same rules on luring their male counterparts apply to these dominatrixes, with or without the leather corset.

Parang harsh no? Parang ang hirap nila mabiktima. Ano ang dapat gawin? Do what JOSPHINE did to make NAPOLEON crave for her! People usually think that to make these conquerers ogle for you is to make yourself look fagged out of your lifeforce and lie on your back while your legs are in eagle spread like a dry land waiting to be sowed. Hindi itu ang tamang ruta iha! Never show too much weakness to these types. When they see you as weak, they will either dimiss you as a petty bitch or may take over you and leave you ravaged like a "comfort woman" without having an orgasm. Tandaan mo na as the "FALLEN STARS" seek attention, these types hunger for a challenge to surmount. Be a bit difficult, fake mood swings, then use your charms and shake those bootie - do this while giving out small clues that you are interested in him (or her).

The word here is "CHALLENGE". Make him feel your are difficult to get, but not too distant.

Before you know it, you have already conquered the conqueror.

8. Ang Badjao

Attack dito! Attack duon! 'Yan ang ruta ng mga Badjao. Though it's true that all of us are interested in the exotic, ang mga Badjao are over the top dahil ito ang nagpapainog ng kanyang mundo. Sa katotohanan, malaki ang Kanilang nararamdaman na kakulangan sa kanilang pagkatao at digusto sa sarili (read: they hate who they are). Hindi nila tanggap ang kanilang pinanggalingan, ang kanilang social class (na karaniwan eh middle at upper which really isnt a bummer), at ang kultura ng kanilang kinalakhang lunan dahil hindi nila gusto at matanggap ang kanilang mga sarili.

Isa sila sa pinakamadaling ma-recognize. Heto ang ilang clues:

• Mahilig rumampa (as in travel here, travel there and travel everywhere).


• Ang kanilang pananamit at gamit ay galing kung saaan-saang lupalop ng kalawakan ... imitation man or original.


• Mahilig sa tugtugin at sining ng ibang kultura o bansa.


• Mababakasan ng pagkarebelde.


• They walk the extra mile in their Blahniks just to change how they look.

Obviously, kung ganitong klase ang gusto mong maging biktima, dapat ay hindi ka kabilang sa pilit n'yang tinatakasan. Kung ayaw n'ya ang pagiging Pilipino n'ya (which would usually be the case), dapat ay may foreign blood ka or have gone to another country at the least. If you are not exotic nor have an iota of an alien genome in your DNA, drop your props and look for the next location shoot dahil masasayang lang ang oras mo. Pero kung trip mo talaga s'ya, it is always possible to hyperbolize the small things that make you exotic and turn it into a moro-moro for his amusement. Be different from the average Juan Dela Cruz, through your clothes, the things you talk about, the places you take your victim to. Exaggerate a little and they will gladly imagine the full script of your line because most of these type are self-deluders ... it is with their lying to themselves that they find "happiness".

After all the effort, ang mga Badjao ang pinakamahirap maibigkis ang interes sa isang tao. Ang bagay na kakaiba sa iyo, na kanyang kinahumalingan, ay madali niyang mapagsasawaan at malilimutan. Bago pa ito dumating, just make sure you've already taken whatever it is that you wanted in the first place.

(Ang isang variety ng Badjao are those who feel trapped and stagnated in a relationship, work place, hackneyed neighborhood, etc. Ayaw na nila kung saan sila naruruon kaya naghahanap sila ng kakaiba to escape their boredom. Ang pinagkaiba nila sa unang uri ng Badjao na nabanggit ay ang sitwasyon nila sa kasalukuyan ang kanilang kinabuburyo, hindi ang kanilang pagkatao).

9. Ang Reyna ng Pinilakang Tabing

Ever watched the movie "Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen"?

Ping ping kuping habang gumigiling sa tugtugin ng Pinikpikan! Ayun sila!

Hindi nauubusan ng drama sa buhay ang mga taong ito. Lahat ng minahal nila ay sinaktan sila. Lahat ng sitwasyon ay sila ang agrabyado! Ang mundo ay galit sa kanila! Kailangan nila ng taong makikinig sa mga kinasapitan nila, ngunit hindi nila kailangan ng payo at tulong! Mapababae or lalakeng version, nakakalokah sila sa drama!

Kung ganito ang nais mong maging biktima, never think, even for a nano-second, na ang kailangan nila is somebody nice, sweet and structured. Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! You'd only make them fly to Bohol and sing the opening sequence of "Sound of Music" on one of the Chocolate Hills.

Why? These people like their drama. Ang paghuhumiyaw nila sa kanilang nakaiiyak na pamumuhay ay ang paraan nila upang matakasan ang boredom. That's what you should give them ... something to complain about! Make them feel you love them, but never bore them with sweetness. Dapat may instances na para kayong nasa tele-novela - s'ya si Juday at ikaw si Galdys Reyes. For some sordid reason, they like feeling pain every now and then. If you balance your love-hate scenes well enough, mas magiging malupit pa ang pagkapit n'ya sa'yo kesa sa tukong pinaliguan ng Mightybond.

Kung nais mong magkaruon ng mahabang relasyon sa ganitong uri ng biktima, be prepared to live a life of darma sans the 24/7 video coverage.

10. Ang Guro

This covers both the genuine & pseudo-intellectuals. Lumaki sila na pilit sinusuri at inaalam ang lahat ng bagay na kanilang masubukan. Kahit na sa usapang pag-ibig at pakikipagtalik, it is almost always with a great deal of thought and analysis that they share their views. Dahil sa pinili nilang pag-ibayuhin ang kanilang kaalaman, hindi sila nasisiyahan sa kanilang panlabas na kaanyuan. Upang masapawan ang insecurities nila sa kanilang itsura at katawan, they use their mental superiority to lord over others. When you are engaged in a conversation with these people, you'll find that they have a sense of humor dryer than the Sahara. Their comments are usually sardonic - you can never really tell what they are saying pero you can sense that they are looking down on you. Nais nilang matakasan ang intelektuwal na hawlang kumukulong sa kanila; nais nila ng ganap na pisikal na karanasang hindi kinakailangan ang kanilang pagsusuri.

Minsan, ang mga Guro ay nakikipag-relasyon sa kapwa Guro, ngunit karaniwan, naghahanap sila ng karelasyong mas mababa sa kanilang antas. Sa katotohanan, sa pusikit ng kanilang gunita, these nerds are praying to their god(s) to be trounced upon by someone who has a very "physical" presence (read: katakam-takam na alindog).

Masarap maging biktima ang mga ito dahil umaapaw and disgusto nila sa sarili. Make them feel like they are the human incarnation of Adonis/Aphrodite, and they will be your slaves. Make them think you adore their organic structure and they will worship yours.

Tandaan: ang iyong pain sa mga Guro ay ang pagkakataong matakasan ang kanyang isipan. Never reveal your intellectual tendencies if you have any because you'll just be squelching him of his competitive juices. Hayaan mo lang na ang pakiramdam niya ay s'ya lang ang may alam ... because you know that you are the one who is catually controlling the situation, for you give him what he desires more than anything in the universe ... physical stimulation!

11. Ang Marikit

If you've read Gregory Maguire's book "The Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister", you'll know that BEAUTY IS A CURSE. When a person is truly beautiful, other people tend to disregard the other facets of her being aside from their face and body. Ordinary-looking blokes like us admire the Marikit from afar. The self-absorbed ones who can muster enough courage to be in close proximity with the Marikit will be there with conversation being the last thing in mind. Dahil dito, ang Marikit ay maihahambing sa isang isla na hindi mapuntahan.

Alam ng Marikit na ang kanyang taglay na kagandahan at alindog ang bukal ng kanyang kapangyarihan. Dahil dito, lagi siyang nangangamba na manguluntoy at pumanaw ang kanyang kariktan. Kung totoo siya sa kanyang sarili, nabuburyo na rin siya na sa eksena na ang kanyang panlabas na kaanyuan lamang ang interesante para sa ibang tao.

Madali lang mabitag ang mga Marikit. Hanapin mo ang kapat ng kanyang pagkatao na hindi napapansin ng iba - his humor, skills, and intelligence (which more often than not is underrated). Worhip that and let the Marikit know. Ofcourse, dapat sambahin mo rin ang kanyang katawan, dahil tulad ng nasabi ko, alam niya na iyon (at sa kanyang isip ay iyon lamang) ang kanyang kapangyarihan. Kasabay sa pagsamba sa kanyang alindog ay dapat mo ring ipaalam sa kanya na sinasamaba mo rin ang kanyang kaluluwa at isipan. Intelelctual stimulation works extremely well on the Marikits for this will distract him from his myriad insecurities, and it will eventually make him think that you value that side of his personality.

Dahil sanay ang Marikit na laging pinagmamasdan, natuto siyang maging passive. Sa ilalim ng kanyang mistulang katamaran ay ang kagustuhan niyang kumilos - na siya naman ang hahabol at hindi ang hinahabol. Sa gitna ng iyong pagsamba sa kanya ay magparamdam ka ng biglaang paglamig, na kailangan mo ang kanyang pagsuyo. Turuan mo siyang kumilos at mapupuna mo nalamang sunud-sunuran na siya sa iyong mga layaw - tulad ni Cinderella ... ang Marikit na alipin.

12. Ang Bonjing

Maarring takot sila sa kamatayan o dili kaya ay sa pagtanda. Maaari ding sadyang naging masaya ang kanilang kabataan kaya and mga Bonjing ay hindi maiwan-iwan ang kanilang pagkabagets. Because they dislike responsibility, Bonjings never take anything seriously. They live their whole lives like a stroll in a mall on a Saturday. At their twenties they could be cute, thirties interesting, forties ... ummm .. I guess a retard.

You might think that a Bonjing with another Bonjing would be a great combination because everything will be all fun and games. Guess again! Kung susubukan mong akitin ang isang Bonjing sa pamamagitan ng pagiging isa pang Bonjing, I'm pretty sure that he will see you as nothing but a competition. Ang kailangan ng isang Bonjing is a "parental figure". You should at least prettend to be structured and prudent. A strange way of seducing, but effective nonetheless.

Tandaan mo rin while acting as this person's "parent", you should never tell him off. Huwag mo siyang sitahin at husgahan sa kanyang mga ginagawa. Makipaglaro ka kapag maaari. Kung hindi man, eh umarte ka nalang na naaaliw sa pagka-isip-bata niya. Kung magagawa mo ang mga ito, a bond stronger than Elmer's will bind him to you.

Sa umpisa, nakakaaliw ang mga Bonjing, pero tulad ng mga bata, they have the tendency to be narcissistic. Dahil dito ay limitado lamang ang kasiyahang makukuha mo sa pakikisalamuha sa Bonjing ... maliban nalamang siguro kung trip mong umarteng magulang ng kapwa mo gurang.

Dito na muna dahil half-way palang ako sa panunuod ng special features sa Sound of Music. Imagine ... naging extra pala sa movie yung totoong MARIA?!?! Yung scene na kumakanta si Julie Andrews ng "I Have Convidence" para magpa-Von-Trapp .. I mean ... papunta sa mga Von Trapp, dumaan siya sa isang archway. While singing eh may matandang babae na naka full-Austrian outfit na may ka-jpoint na dalawang bagets na tumawid sa likuran niya ... those are the REAL Maria Von Trapp with her grand children! La lang, na share ko lang ...

Promise susubukan ko i-upload ang remaining 6 types of victims bukas!

Lab 'ya all!