Question: What if you went on a first date with your mom?

Now, let me be clear.  I’m not wondering about what might Happen if I took my mom along on a first date.  (Perfectly clear on this outcome.)  I’m wondering what might happen if I went on a first date with my mom.

As the holiday season wraps up, I’ve been reflecting on the time spent with my large immediate family.  We are 13.  Two (truly) extraordinary parents and six marginally normal, phenomenally talented siblings, two exceptionally patient spouses-in-laws and three delicious little nieces.  It’s a loving, loopy bunch.  And yet, in spite of the love, the deep respect and our advancing adult ages, we can, on occasion, find ourselves reverting to communication and relating patterns of yesteryear.  What is this madness?  What devil takes over me when I find myself assuming the posture, tone and attitude of my former 16 year-old self?  I don’t think it’s relationship baggage (okay, it might be a small purse and a carry-on full of denial).  I think it’s more about assumptions.  And history.  The deeply held assumptions that develop as a result of shared history.

What would happen to our relationships – with our moms, our families, our friends, our colleagues, our teams, our clients, our customers – if we took a break from these assumptions?  What would change if we approached these important people in our lives with a renewed sense wonder, openness and a true intention to get to know them (again)?  What if we invited them to share some stories, to tell us what’s going on for them right now, to find out what they’re looking forward to and what they’re worried about?  What if we approached our next Conversation with the people we know, the ones we think we’ve got all figured out, as we might approach a first date – with a sense of anticipation, a hint of trepidation, an openness to learn about the other person and a willingness to share something of ourselves?  What if we got curious and courageous enough to take a break from the past and learn and share something interesting and meaningful that is located in the present?

This is the crux of my team’s work as a researchers, concept-makers and educators.  Somehow, it seems much easier and more fascinating to explore that’s true for people we don’t know.  Mostly because we don’t know them.  We’re assumption-free.  Conversation and storytelling and show and tell is part of our learning and discovery process.

So, I’m going on a first date with my mom.  I’m going to be open, interested and curious.  And in the spirit of giving up assumptions, I might even pay for coffee.