In my opinion (IMO, to you all people who can’t pry yourself away from the interwebz) a person goes through a number of stages in their life: childhood, adolescence, Young Adult, middle-aged, then old dude or dudette. That’s generally how most people see life, too. But within these stages, there are a bunch of sub-stages that occur, most interestingly between young adult to middle-aged. I’m in an odd/interesting/sad stage right now. I’m right around the age where everyone is starting to get married, but also I’m getting closer to the age where I’m starting to know people who are getting divorced. It’s weird – whatever happened to the stage where we’d all play around in the sandbox and make mudpies? Oh, childhood, why did we have to leave you?

Anyway… recently, I ran into an old friend, Joey, from high school and we ended up talking about his life since I last saw him. Joey was a pretty popular kid when we were in school together. Despite the fact that our school didn’t have very strong sports teams, Joey was a star-player on our school’s basketball team nonetheless, which is why he was also popular among a lot of the female students. And in our senior year, Joey hooked up with Deborah, a shy, yet nice girl from our school. Everyone thought they were the cutest couple and that they were headed to good successful places. So when Joey told me that he was getting divorced, I was shocked. Even more surprising was when he told me how things between he and Deborah had soured to the point where they were no longer talking and that he was locked in a bitter Custody battle with her.

I was shocked, even more shocked than when I discovered the drying power of ShamWow!
Joey wanted to have primary custody of the children. He told me how other divorced guys he knew all either lost complete custody of their children or were limited only to visitations rights. Joey didn’t want to keep Deborah from seeing their children. In fact, he wanted her to be a very active part in their lives. But what he didn’t want was to become like all the other divorced dads he knew. He didn’t want to be limited to only visiting his children because he was worried that it’d make his children distant. He wanted to know what his options were.

Well, I didn’t know what to tell him since anyone in or heading toward a career in lawyering knows that the answer to every legal question is that “it all depends.” Laws can be ambiguous and outcomes vary all the time and are dependent on a number of things as facts can always be distinguished to appear different from other cases tried before it.

Generally, in California and most states, courts usually award custody to the primary caregiver, meaning the person who spends the most time with the child. Usually that translates to the person who doesn’t hold paid employment and raises the child, but when both parents work, like in Joey’s case, it comes down to fitness and a calculation of time spent with the child.
Joey isn’t alone in his predicament. A vast majority of family law cases received by LegalMatch are about child custody battles.

The best advice I could give to my friend was to seek the counsel of a qualified family law lawyer. Because regardless of the legal situation, case outcomes are not always predictable.