I've been taking a Workshop on creativity that requires writing in a journal every day. It turns out I only have so much daily energy to write and that leaves my blog hanging.

Would you believe, one of the things I was ticked off at the job counselor for is that she had the nerve to say "How's your health?" and then mention that I had told her I felt exhausted and she wasn't sure I could "handle" a full time job. I told her this in confidence before my "case" was approved to see her "officially," and yet that has all ended in my "government file"! Not that she has any medical training, but she had the nerve to suggest I go on antidepressants or something. Talk about crossing several lines!

I took a self-assessment workshop at JobLink and she wants to see my workbook. Now I don't trust her -- she might use the results to tell me the job path I am exploring will not be sanctioned by the "powers that be" based on her opinion of my life, as filtered through the relatively few minutes we have ever talked -- when she hasn't been distracted by phone calls, visitors, or whatever is outside her window!

In keeping with the theme or story of my blog, how humiliating is that, to have to submit to that just for the possibility of a little job training assistance? The research and mountains of paperwork that come later seem like typical government hoops to jump through, but the having your life in another person's hands who isn't qualified to judge is altogether a thorn in my side.

She seemed to have a problem with my "attitude" when I made the mistake of showing her my blog a while ago, not realizing that every good blog needs a focus, and "b*tch and moan" is a time-honored internet tradition -- heck, we had that on our message boards before there even was such a thing as an internet and we all had to dial up each other's computers for community access (that's how newsgroups used to move around, in case anyone still remembers those)! I only found out during our last meeting when she read my file and mentioned my "attitude" and then back-pedalled about her attitude in having said it! ("Oh, I didn't mean it like that!" Oh really, then why was that how it came out naturally before you edited yourself?)

Not to mention she seems to prefer "perky go-getters" and seems to have a problem with my style (I'm not into small talk, for instance, although in reading my Myers-Briggs profile last week I realized that is not a flaw but a characteristic.) Just because my personality doesn't light her fire doesn't mean that every potential employer/interviewer would react the some way! It's hard to call people out on their preferences, however, because most people won't cop to their prejudices, usually because they aren't self-aware.

I have my next meeting with her this afternoon, so we'll see how that goes.