In the spirit of the holidays, I would like to alert management as to which rules I have instructed my employees to disregard:

1.) No food. The potluck and cookie exchange will be between 11am and 2pm, and employees are strongly encouraged to eat, because, well, it makes them happy. I really don't care what the janitor thinks.

2.) No websurfing. I would like to cordially invite whichever human resource flunky thought this was a good idea to cram this fistful of candy canes up their bum. You might dislodge the stick. Merry Christmas.

3.) No Christmas lights. The individuals who gingerly asked if they were able to put up Christmas decorations were initially told that their lights were a fire hazard. Well, the other departments do it and the call center shouldn't be different. Plus, a nice fire would be pretty festive.

4.) No employee-leader gift giving. You never mind when I give you a present at the holidays, so I'm joining the Secret Santa exchange and that's that.

5.) Dress code. Unless they're exposing themselves or offending their neighbors (because I don't have a single outfit to testify in), I don't care, and you shouldn't either. If they want to be wearing 1,000 flashing light pins that have dancing reindeer on them, I'm fine unless the reindeer have hardons or something... in which case I want to see those pins in the conference room only so we can have a laugh away from the idiots who get offended by stuff like that.

Happy holidays, team!