Question:

Jay, I have been facing a crossroad in my life I’ve recently got a promotion at my job and my life is seemingly perfect. However, this is far from the truth I’ve always wanted a family, house with a white picket fence and 2.5 kids you know the America Dream. But throughout my life I’ve experience many bad relationships, situationships and just straight up bullshit. I’ve tried dating all type of guys, but I do have standards, but I TRY my best to be understanding. Though I have been very success in my life having a 6-figure income, a business and managing to raise my now 18-year-old son by myself. I feel like I shouldn’t have to settle for less. All I want is a man that is attractive and can also provide the same lifestyle I provide for myself. Should I settle for less or just stay patient until the right person comes along?

– Anonymous

Answer:

This is somewhat of a complex question, but before I unpack your question. I have a question for you how you define yourself?

I ask this because you described how you make an “6 figure income and own a business” which are all great, but do those things define you? This plays a huge part in dating and relationships if you focus too much on the finances of a person you may overlook the great qualities they might have. Not to say there’s nothing wrong with wanting to date someone who’s as successful as you, but you have to remember that the word successful is subjective. What may be successful to you might not be the same for someone else. For example, if someone was passionate about helping others and worked at a non-profit organization making only about 38,000 a year. Which might not seem successful in your eyes, but in their eyes, that would constitute success.

Now to your standards you didn’t speak to what exactly your standards are, but you mentioned “All I want is a man that is attractive and can also provide the same lifestyle I provide for myself.” I have another question are these things really needs or wants? I do understand that we all want certain things, but we have to be honest with ourselves in determining if we need something or just simply want it.

Also, you have to look within yourself and see why you’re not attracting what you desire. We attract who we are so if you’re not attracting what you want you may have to consider looking within. You might also want to look at where you’re meeting people at and maybe switch up the places you go to meet people. For example, if you always go to bars/clubs try going to an art gallery or an event that peeks your interest. This will open you up to new people that you might have never met. In the end I would advise you to stay patient and work on become the best version of yourself.

What are your thoughts should someone ever lower their standards when it comes to relationships? 

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