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Chapter 21: Mental Health Assessment at Corridor Garage

Tags: harris isnt wake

  "You need to figure out what motivates you Harris," said Pippa, stretching. 

  "I know what motivates me.  My problem is that I mismanage time."  
  "I Wake up whenever I want, live a life of impulse and instant gratification, and I don't count the cost like I should?"
  "OK.  Can you elaborate?"
  "Impulse and discipline are mortal enemies.  Oil and water.  I could just as easily spend fifty dollars on steak and beer as much as I could on a gym membership if you're looking for some sort of analogy."
  "You need a better personal reward system.  We all wish we could snap our fingers and fire on all cylinders all the time, but those aren't realistic expectations.  Don't just cover your nut though," she said crossing her legs.  "Thrive."
  "I'm all about it.  In my opinion, complacency is everyone's worst enemy.  Fuck peace of mind.  That state of unease or discomfort is what keeps you on the prowl.  No one wants to be mediocre at their job, yet most don't have the drive, persistence, or determination to be a top producer in their organization.  Most people have to be told what to do."
  "OK.  What are you selling me Harris?  Everything is a sales pitch with you."
  "I'm selling you air."
  "Maybe so," she said spreading her legs, flashing her cunt.  "I like your brand."
  "I think we're starting to make progress.  Don't you?"
  "I think."
  "I enjoy traveling with work.  It's nice to wake up everyday in a clean hotel room."
  "Sure.  But you also need a place to call home."
  "I don't agree with that."
  "How so?"
  "Eh... it's just best to let sleeping dogs lie."
  "I don't think you're using that idiom in its proper context."
  "It makes sense to me though."
  "Just saying."
  "How about 'Fixodent and Forget It' then?"
  "Sure.  I think I see what you're driving at.  Let me ask you, what attracted you to sales in the first place?"
  "It's the only lucrative career where they don't drug test felonious high school dropouts.  That just proves it's a hustle or die life.  NFL players don't even have that kind of employment privacy."
  "Unless they're powerhouse."
  "Sure.  Follow the money."
  "Just go onto any job postings website, click on sales jobs, and you'll immediately start nibbling on fish hooks like, "Unlimited Earning Potential,' 'Be Your Own Boss,' 'Set Your Own Schedule,' 'Bonuses Paid Daily, Weekly, and Monthly.'"
  "Those are annoying."
  "They're not false statements - just 'results not typical.'  Sales pitches for sales jobs.  Once you understand the mindset of a commissioned salesman; that you're not going to have a regular nine to five hourly or salaried gig, it can become what appeals most to you, and once you hit or exceed your quote... you can go home and do whatever the fuck you want."
  "And what's that?"
  "Make blood thirsty follow up calls with former naysayers or base touchers to make more money.  That's what a good sales manager would tell any rep.  The fortune is in the follow-up."
  "I think what we're trying to do Harris is get you out of this work-prism you've created.  Keep that in mind."
  "No.  You're right.  It's mostly why I pay you.  Look - can't you just hypnotize me to have a better work/life balance?"
  "I'm a psychologist.  I don't do hypnotherapy, and in my professional opinion, no one can."
  "That's a lie and you know it.  Shit, you're probably doing it right now and I'm completely unaware of it."
  "Regardless Harris, perish the thought and believe you me, you're not alone.  Lot's of guys out there just like you are chained to their career every second of every day."
  "But that's what I'm telling you Pippa.  Entrepreneurs don't go into business to get rich.  They go into business for themselves to have a life where they AREN'T chained to a boss or corporation.  You don't need to be a millionaire to call your own shots."
  "True."
  "Sales does just that for me.  It's the freedom in understanding that you only eat what you kill, and while getting rich in the process would be a cherry on top of the whole thing, it's not your end game."
  "Perfect," said Pippa, typing.  "Let's change gears - tell me about your concept of ownership."
  "Wow.  Great question."
  "Charlie Rose ain't got nothin' on me."
  "Funny.  Well there's pride in ownership, but it's also important to learn how to know where to cut corners and eliminate unnecessary bills when times are tight.  Homes can be great investments, but cars are almost always bad ones."
  "Sure.  Real estate is where the money's at."
  "I know life isn't all about 'one thing.'"
  "Of course it isn't."
  "Life is about people.  Not stuff."
  "The stuff helps."
  "Sometimes it does.  You can be broke and miserable or rich and miserable.  Hey, I got some Applebee's coupons.  Wanna go?"
  "Ehh..."
  "Come on.  My treat."
  "Sure.  Fine."
  "I think I look young for my age."
  "So do I."
  "You do look young for your age.  Yeah."
  "No I mean YOU look young for your age.  I was agreeing with you."
  "Oh."
  "Let's hit up the Rec Center afterwards."
  "Nah."
  "Why not?"
  "That's too much for one night, and coffee doesn't do it for me anymore."
  "I've noticed that.  Want a bump?"
  "Sure."  Harris did a rail off of Pippa's compact mirror.  "You know," he sniffed, "I'm not a religious guy, but I think I sort of understand ashes to ashes and dust to dust."
  "Oh yeah?"
  "Yeah.  Genesis 2:7?  But a lot of other faith-based systems adhere to the theory as well.  If you open your eyes and just try and grasp the food chain theory, it makes sense - to me anyway.  Every human is comprised of flesh and a soul.  I'm not boring you am I?"
  "No," yawned Pippa.
  "Good.  I don't know where I'm going with any of this, but it just seems like the entire planet is one huge recycling bin.  Life is beautiful as it is disgusting; a kind of paradise and cesspool."
  "You ever think about getting married and having children of your own?"
  "It would kind of be a selfish move in my opinion."
  "Why do you say that?  Enlighten me."
  "Why are you putting me on the spot like this?"
  "Well you brought it up.  I'm intrigued I guess."
  "People think they have control over their own lives, and to a degree, maybe they're right.  But I think God or whoever made everything did it out of boredom - creating sentient beings that have free will - you know - to pick and choose their own destiny - carve out their own path.  I'm not saying I hold myself to a higher standard than others, but I do feel as though I'm an anomaly of sorts."
  "I think you're a brilliant philosopher," she pandered.  
  "Thanks."
  "No I really mean that."
  "Here's what I think:  When you're a talented, good-looking kid, it's easy to believe that the world actually does revolve around you.  But as you get older, you find out that it isn't the case at all, and even winning the lottery wouldn't solve your problems.  Is that a fair assessment?"
  "Sure."
  "Tell me I'm not boring you."
  "You are, but you're too cute to stay bored at.  So what do you want out of life?"
  "If I'm brutally honest with you and myself - that's kind of what sickens me."
  "I know.  What was school life like for you growing up?"
  "Uh wake up, eat breakfast, van ride, car-port drop off, classes, Little Debbie, singing, recess, paper-mache.  Same as anyone else.  I did pretty well.  All things considered."  
  "No I know.  But I think you confuse moral ethics with financial and maybe even physical health."
  "I won't disagree there.  I know... right and wrong versus healthy and wealthy - like someone who is really good at robbing banks, proud of his evil or wrongdoing, who lives in the Bahamas under a phony name, will never get caught, and is physically healthy as well.  Or like a corrupt politician.  Or to reduce the whole thing down to nice-guys-finish-last.  I'm not trying to wear a halo of innocence or goody-two-shoeness when I say I'm not comfortable cheating through life.  Are you insinuating you want to go rob a band with me?"
  "Aren't you funny."
  "Hey I feel like I'm paying you $280/hr to do stand-up comedy for YOU!!"
  "Nice try," laughed Pippa.  "Look, if you don't want to continue these sessions, we don't have to."
  "No.  You're worth it," said Harris.  "It's worth it.  What's a person really good for anyway?  The exchange of goods and services?  This includes love and friendship.  Love and friendship are commodities."
  "I think you're looking at all of this too cut and dry.  Life isn't so cut and dry.  You need to get out more.  Life isn't about following some sort of rule-book."
  "You're a bad influence on me," laughed Harris.  "You're corrupting me.  Nah I'm good.  Just kidding."
  "Same time next week?"
  "Sure."  



This post first appeared on The Tangible Tangerine, please read the originial post: here

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Chapter 21: Mental Health Assessment at Corridor Garage

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