It's not that I don't feel it because I do.
I feel it in my bones, in my spine, in the gap between my teeth, in the dimples on my lower back. I feel it everywhere, even my heart.
You tell me that the heart is simply an organ pumping blood throughout the circulatory system made of cardiac muscle, which must keep working throughout one's lifetime.
But what if I told every night when it's half past one and you're sound asleep with your arms around me and your head resting against my back
I want to kiss you
and tell you
that you give me premature ventricular contractions and that I wish I could hold on to that moment forever because I know in five hours my alarm will go off and you will kiss me
and I will smile
but dread the kiss
because the next one will be hours later.
You will slowly whisper I love you, and I will say it back but hesitate.
Know that the hesitation isn't because I don't feel it
because I do.
It's simply because it's surreal to me to say those words to you,
they mean so much and every time I say it, it swells up my heart.
I need a minute or two to collect myself and let the feeling infiltrate my body and mind.
You and I, we are not going to last.
We are a short chapter in a series,
but my love, we are a chapter worth reading twice.
Our story will make reader's look at the stars and contemplate howmany star-crossed lovers have existed and walked on the same grass we used to roll around in.
We are far from perfect, I have my father's temper,
you have your mother's insecurity.
We fight about things that don't matter,
we kiss in school halls and empty roads, we get drunk on cheap alcohol
then we fall in love a little more
I often think about what our last moment would be like, what our last kiss will be like
will it be a quick one with me walking away hoping you don't see me cry
or will it be the long passionate one like at four in the morning with you grabbing me, whispering I missed you in my hair, then lean in.
Perhaps we won't kiss at all, perhaps we won't get a last kiss.
I don't know how I will tell you all that you make me feel. Maybe I won't tell you, but it's not that I don't feel it.
Because I do, I feel in my bones, in my spine, in the gap between my teeth, in the dimples on my lower back.
I feel it everywhere, even my heart.