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2016-10-04 01:27
​“Neo-Los Angeles is about to A.P.P.R.O.P.R.I.A.T.E. A. D.A.Y. W.H.O.S.E. S.I.G.N.I.F.I.C.A.N.C.E. T.H.E.Y. D.O.N.T. U.N.D.E.R.S.T.A.N.D. A.S. A.N. E.X.C.U.S.E. T.O. D.R.I.N.K. I… Read More
2016-02-12 08:11
​Wherever your date has to walk to for his little God rod to escape his internal shame radius, you let him. Be it a babblin’ brook, a free tour of a pillow factory, the wheat fie… Read More
2016-01-29 01:46
​The company was immediately sued into bankruptcy, and oblivion, after their latest brand extension, the “First Alarmisen Senior’s Emergency Button,” failed to alert… Read More
2016-01-29 01:43
​Based on what they just saw, his qualifications were simply too good to ignore. Upon scooping him up at the chain link fence surrounding the tarmac, they promptly enlisted him as the… Read More
2016-01-25 23:27
​There’s nothing quite like the feeling of another Christmas come and gone. All the hustle and bustle of the season, the anticipation of the big day, footsteps coming down the st… Read More
2015-12-24 19:18
​He’s in you when you’re sleeping. He’s the glisten in your parents’ teeth when you’re awake. He knows if you bought margarine, and he’ll use your b… Read More
2015-12-24 18:48
​Last year everyone got PS4s and a big ol’ honkin’ handjob in the back room where they kept all the extra snacks bought in bulk from Costco. You’ve never known Christ… Read More
2015-12-23 19:41
​It’s funny how a little font choice makes all the difference. A few months later, when they sent out their wedding invitations, they came on beautiful parchments made out of she… Read More

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5-Second Films · Wasting your time, but not very much.

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