“Neo-Los Angeles is about to A.P.P.R.O.P.R.I.A.T.E. A. D.A.Y. W.H.O.S.E. S.I.G.N.I.F.I.C.A.N.C.E. T.H.E.Y. D.O.N.T. U.N.D.E.R.S.T.A.N.D. A.S. A.N. E.X.C.U.S.E. T.O. D.R.I.N.K. I… Read More
Ugh, here comes the guy who watched his wife get her limbs ripped apart by a robot he built named Buzz, but was reprogrammed by the government to kill his loved ones. What a buzzkill… Read More
Wherever your date has to walk to for his little God rod to escape his internal shame radius, you let him. Be it a babblin’ brook, a free tour of a pillow factory, the wheat fie… Read More
The company was immediately sued into bankruptcy, and oblivion, after their latest brand extension, the “First Alarmisen Senior’s Emergency Button,” failed to alert… Read More
Based on what they just saw, his qualifications were simply too good to ignore. Upon scooping him up at the chain link fence surrounding the tarmac, they promptly enlisted him as the… Read More
There’s nothing quite like the feeling of another Christmas come and gone. All the hustle and bustle of the season, the anticipation of the big day, footsteps coming down the st… Read More
He’s in you when you’re sleeping. He’s the glisten in your parents’ teeth when you’re awake. He knows if you bought margarine, and he’ll use your b… Read More
Last year everyone got PS4s and a big ol’ honkin’ handjob in the back room where they kept all the extra snacks bought in bulk from Costco. You’ve never known Christ… Read More
It’s funny how a little font choice makes all the difference. A few months later, when they sent out their wedding invitations, they came on beautiful parchments made out of she… Read More
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