I’m bored. And I know you are too. So let’s just jump right into the 14th installation of Things I Heard in Medical School. Did I catch you saying something ridiculous? Let me know!
“If a dog tries to bite you in Grenada, say ‘take my toe. I’ll get the shot later.'”
“What happened to her?? She is like so savage now!”
“You do realize you saying the word ‘savage’ makes the word not-savage.”
“It’s after 9. On a Wednesday.”
“If you do a PPD test on someone who is already coughing up blood, you gotta kill him.”
“This is typical in people who go sandblasting. Every year I say this and you guys laugh.” *Professor then giggles*
“Rohittttt!!!”
“There are many ways to take cocaine.” *Professor begins to snort loudly* “… No! I have a cold!!”
“It goes from the gall bladder and back to the intestines and then goes in your poo poo.”
Edinder to Queen B: “Mu band karh.” (shut your mouth in Punjabi)
“You all have seen the cooking areas on campus and seen how dirty those screen are. Yes? Good.”
*Big, muscular student sees cockroach, jumps up and screams* | Professor: “You do realize you are much bigger than it right?” | Student 2: “But it was a big cockroach though.”
“I told you I’m going to put you off of food.”
“The very white people and the very black people get it.”
If you can get past 40 years as a woman then you should be fine. Rejoice!”
They are going to get that stupid finger clubbing.”
“This one is not sitting on the fence, no no no!”
“What causes man boobies?! Well I think that’s a man…”
“In the Wee Wee you see 5-HIA – by wee wee I mean urine!”
Male student: “When was your last menopause cycle?” | All the girls in the group: “Yeah that’s not how it works.”
“All of these diseases are racist.”
*Practicing percussion on the patient* “I just go crazy with it”
“As a doctor you don’t need to know everything. You just need to know who to ask and where to look it up.”
“If I drop dead at this podium then you know I have a heart disease.”
“Male babies drink more milk, so it just goes to show that men are born pigs.”
“That’s the message. If you are an old person, don’t fall over, because you will get pneumonia and you will die.”
“Have you heard of angina? It’s like a cute girl’s name!”
“Everything is high yield.”
