dumb friend drama, let me rant about it

first let me just say that I HATE drama so much and that I hate that this is happening because it’s just annoying and frustrating

here goes nothing

my friend victoria, who used to read my blog (but idk if she does anymore) decided to leave the group chat that she created of all her friends. there were 10 of us including me and her but after she Left, there were only 9, including myself.

there were 3 people in it (one of which was my most recent ex boyfriend, mitch) that she said she didn’t like and didn’t want to hang out with anymore, so she decided to cut them off so she wasn’t surrounding herself with toxic people.

now I completely get not wanting to surround yourself with toxic people, and I support getting rid of bad people in your life

but

she just cut them off cold turkey- literally blocked them on all social media platforms and blocked their phone numbers so they literally can’t contact her at all

and she didn’t tell them why she was Cutting them off

so as far as they know, they were close friends one night and the next morning, it was like she never existed and they were never even friends. they all have no idea why she cut them off

unfortunately that put me in a very uncomfy position because I was the one she was talking to the most out of everyone, so I became the liaison of information between her and the 3 people she cut off

and they were in the group chat asking me why she did this, because they are completely in the dark and had no fucking clue why

and then the other 5 people in the group were confused because they didn’t understand why she left

so I kinda had to play the middle man, which sucked because I hate being in that position

but I was thinking about what she was doing and I texted her this whole long thing where I essentially said that I think she’s just handling the situation incorrectly. they deserve to know why she’s cutting them off and it’s super unfair and selfish of her to not bother to tell them why. it doesn’t cause more drama to tell them because at least they’re not left in the dark wondering why she just up and left seemingly out of nowhere.

on top of that, the other people in the group that she didn’t have a problem with are now confused because by her leaving the group, she’s kind of cutting them off too. she said she would respond if they texted her, but that she wouldn’t reach out- so if they don’t reach out, she ends up inadvertently cutting them off as well, which is even less fair because the rest of the people in the group are genuinely good people.

then I was thinking more about it and I was like hm part of the reason she’s cutting my ex (mitch) off is because she didn’t like how he treated me post-breakup. when he broke up with me, he ignored me for like 3 days prior to actually breaking up with me but then when he actually did, he didn’t tell me why he was breaking up with me. I was left in the dark because I didn’t know why and it made me really upset. victoria knew all of this because mitch told her why he broke up with me but she didn’t tell me because we both knew that it had to come directly from him. he had to take responsibility for his actions, because he had been really shitty, and he finally told me why like 2-3 weeks after we actually broke up. I had to force it out of him but at least he fucking told me.

and so I texted her again and I was like, if you don’t tell them why you’re cutting them off, you’re no better than mitch. you’re doing the exact same thing to them that you got so angry about when mitch did it to me, which makes you a hypocrite.

just as a side note- she has told me before that she appreciates when people call her out, and she was being a hypocrite, so I didn’t hesitate to call her out.

I continued texting her and I told her that if she ever just cut me off with no explanation, I would be really upset and I would want to know why. it’s so unfair for a friend (let alone a good or close friend) to just up and leave and block you on everything without even telling you why.

her response to that was that she has cut people off many times before and from experience, she learned that it was better to just cut them off cold turkey because telling them why won’t change anything

I tried to tell her that it’s not about changing them immediately. maybe they won’t ever change but telling them at least shows them that their actions have consequences, so maybe in the future they’ll consider the loss of her friendship as a consequence before they do shitty things to other people. and even so, telling them isn’t about wanting them to change or not, it’s about giving them some sort of closure so they’re not left wondering and confused. that’s just the worst place to be in, especially when other people (me) have knowledge about it and they don’t.

she remained very resolute in her decision to not tell them and straight up said to me that nothing I say will convince her to tell them.

I left the conversation at that and I took a few days to process it. I began to rethink being her friend because how can I want to be close to someone if I’m living with the fear of them cutting me off seemingly arbitrarily without any explanation?

I hadn’t heard from her since that day when she told me that nothing I could say would change her mind, so last night I texted her and I essentially said that I wasn’t mad, but that I was just trying to reconcile her treatment of others. I expressed fear and concern that she would cut me off just like she cut off the others without any explanation, but that it didn’t necessarily mean that I didn’t want to hang out. I do want to hang out with her, but I just don’t know how to move forward because I’m afraid that she would do that to me.

I didn’t hear back from her last night or this morning.

but

while I was checking Instagram this morning, I noticed that she hadn’t liked my pictures from the past few days.

so I went to search her account on Instagram and not only was she no longer following me, but it turns out she BLOCKED ME on both of my Instagram accounts, so I can’t see any of her posts and I can’t follow her.

then I checked twitter, and I’m not blocked, but she unfollowed me there too.

so I’m kinda pissed because it just seems like she’s literally doing the exact thing that I told her I was concerned she would do to me, which quite frankly, is a bitch move.

and on top of that, I didn’t say anything to her that was particularly mean! even when I told her that she was being a hypocrite, I wasn’t mean or incisive. but even if she thought I was, her hypocrisy in this situation is just a fact, it’s not like it’s an opinion of mine that she can get angry at or dislike.

it just seems like she’s cutting me off because she doesn’t want to accept that she’s doing the wrong thing; so because she didn’t like that I made her see that she’s a hypocrite & that her logic is flawed, I get cut off like the other 3 people in the group, even though I was just being the voice of reason.

wow, people must really like making me feel like I’M at fault for making them see the flaws in THEIR logic and decisions!

first, mitch made me feel absolutely HORRIBLE for wanting to know why he broke up with me after he didn’t tell me initially, even though he was clearly in the wrong for not telling me why in the first place. I told him that it was shitty and demeaning to not tell me why, so somehow it was MY fault that he was a shitty person to me, and therefore (by his logic), I deserved to be treated like shit. even though he was the shitty one. shit!

now, victoria is (seemingly) intentionally cutting me off to make me feel bad for trying to convince her to tell the other people why she’s cutting them off. again, it’s as if it’s MY fault that SHE’S making the wrong decision. ~logic~

I don’t know what her end game is and I don’t know where any of this is going from here, but I’m just aggravated. not necessarily aggravated because I “lost” a friend, but more aggravated because she thinks she’s somehow better than the people she’s cutting off, even though her hypocrisy makes her no better than them.

and the fact that I explicitly told her I was concerned about her cutting me off and then going and doing just that, without explanation!

whatever

today has been shitty overall

so glad I’m surrounded by such great friends

(plz note the sarcasm)

disclaimer: all of my other friends are great people and I love them dearly.
just not everyone is a good egg, that’s all. I knew initially that being friends with victoria wouldn’t end well, but it was fun while it lasted I guess.

~